It's been an interesting, educational, and enlightening experience posting on Tony's forum. I've learned a few things that taught me what I already knew, but doubted.

Porn is not a safe, happy place where girls end up like Jenna Jameson, and get a star on the boulevard, or an E Television special.

What porn really is, is a bunch of girls who need attention so bad that they're willing to sacrifice the rest of their lives to get it.

We'll see how Jenna ends up when the looks are gone, the husband is gone, and other parents don't want to hang out with her because she's a whore. That will be E special number 2, in about ten years.

I have learned here, in this forum, that I don't want any part of porn. I'm going to have my Dish subscription to the Ecstasy Channel removed, and forget about trying to change the mind of the girl I knew, who went into this dark, sad business.

It's funny how some human beings think they are so special, so different, that somehow only they will defy the laws of gravity, become 'stars', and live happily ever after.

All one has to do to understand what porn is really about should go to either 'Dead Porn Stars' on RAME.net, or look at the after lives of ‘stars’ in the catalogue at lukeford.com.

I think Bill O’Reilly said it best:

“A porn star is nothing more than a hooker, with a camera crew.”

Tis true.

Funny, when I didn't know how this game worked, I enjoyed porn. Now, it simply doesn't do it for me anymore.

Knowing that the girls I'm watching will become prostitutes, will end up having Herpes, Gonnorhea, Syphillis, Hepatitis, and Chlamydia, and may attempt suicide just doesn't get me hard. When I was clueless about all of this, I didn't mind a bit.

The girl I used to know is on this track, and going down in flames fast. There ain't a damn thing I can do about it. She too, beleives she will defy the laws of gravity.

So, in ending this nightmare, here are some words for her:

To the Girl I used to know...

In your haze, and what is probably a rigorous work schedule, you probably forgot that we met a year ago this week. If I recall correctly, you told me you were a 'born again Christian', wouldn't get naked on your cam on the internet, and claimed you regretted stripping when you were underage.

However, the very first time you had a problem paying your bills, you caved in to desparation, and took the easy way out.

I thought you were tougher than that. I really did. I beleived you, I looked up to you, and I really thought you had a spark of life that would burn and burn.

You screamed at me in May because you knew I was right, and you knew I was the only person who had the guts to tell you you were wrong.

I'm still right, and I don't care if you hate me for it.

I miss you, I still hold out hope for you, and if you ever decide to leave this bullshit behind and grow up...I'll still welcome you back with open arms.

I'll say it again, I said it then...

GO TO COLLEGE.

College allows a young woman to use her head, instead of her body. As you'll soon learn, maybe you've learned it already...making a living with your body is HARD WORK, and it can be PAINFUL. I saw the look on your face in your second video. Please don't even attempt to tell me that felt good. I know it didn't, and I know you were doing the best you could just to stay concious.

Maybe this is just something you have to go through, to learn how right I was. I can only pray you get through it, and get through it fast, and with as few scars as possible.

You didn't know it, but the signs of how this was effecting you were present on your face when we went out to eat. My wife saw it, and the other girl we brought saw it too. Both of them said that after that first video you did, it looked like some of the life had been sucked out of you.

I have to agree, darling, you did look jaded.

Anyways, I have decided NOT to be George C. Scott, in the movie 'Hardcore', and follow you into this industry of sadness. I did consider it, but from the education I've gotten here...

...I now realize what I told you was correct, and I stand by my statement.

GO TO COLLEGE.

Yes, I still have your phone numbers.

No, I won't call and bug you. You know I'm not a stalker, never have been, and won't stoop to that.

It's time to let you go.

It's time to let you learn from this mistake.

My business is ready to go now, and I won't have much time to be writing in this forum.

I know most of these folks here will miss me, even though they say they hate me. I'll miss you too.

To you folks, I say, please attempt to do a better job at making porn a safe place to work. That's my last request to all of you. Make your world a better, safer place, and good things will happen.

As for me, I'm getting ready to make my own world a better place. All of this hard work I've been doing is about to pay off. When it does, I'll be making more money than you, darling, with every transaction-

...and I don't even have to get fucked in the ass.

I can grow old with what I'm doing, I can have kids with what I'm doing, and I can respect what I'm doing.

Maybe one day, when you grow up, you'll get out of this shit, and find something you feel the same about. I can only hope.

Track 3 on the new Vertical Horizon CD is called 'Forever'.

It's cheesy, but it does happen to say all the things I'm feeling, just with much better music and a great band.

I guess that's about it. Think of me when you hear that song, and good luck.

I'm going away now, but if you ever get out of this...

...I will welcome you back with open arms, and so will she.

And by the way, yeah, I still hate your fucking mom.

Don't worry. When you wake up from this nightmare you're stuck in...you'll hate her too.

If she was any kind of real mom, she would have locked you in the house and made sure you stayed on the right path. She should have intervened. And she should have known about the diseases too, if she really is a fucking nurse.

Instead, she set you down the road to self-destruction.

Bad, bad mom.

Get out of this before it's too late, babe, and get your ass in college- full time.

Your ass won't hold out much longer if you keep using it the way you're using it now. An ass just isn't meant for things like that. You'll be wearing diapers at 20, if you keep doing this to yourself.

I stole that from Scott Fayner.

How he deals with living in shit, I really have no clue. Must be some sort of human fly genome in that boy.

I'm going to get back to living a healthy life now.

Maybe one day, you will too, babe.

I will pray for you.

Good luck, and goodbye.

The Outsider