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Minnesota Bill Will Finally Make Ejaculating Into Another Person's Coffee Illegal


By Tommy Gimler Mar 13, 2015


Do we really need a bill to let people know it's not OK to jerk off into your coworker's cup of joe?

Surprisingly, the answer is yes.

Several months ago, we posted a story about a Minnesota man who admitted to ejaculating into a coworker's cup of coffee in an effort to get her attention. Technically, it worked, as she called the cops on his ass, and they arrested him for fifth-degree criminal sexual conduct and fifth-degree attempted criminal sexual conduct.

Minnesota man jerks off into cup of coffee
But according to the Pioneer Press, those charges were dropped by a Ramsey County judge in November because the man's "crime" did not include "nonconsensual touching of the victim's intimate parts."

Thankfully, two state representatives quickly drew up a bill that would make "placing bodily fluids in a substance intended for human consumption" a misdemeanor. It would be bumped up to a felony if the victim "ingests it without knowledge of the adulteration, with escalating penalties if it's done for sexual gratification or if the victim is a child."

There is only one question regarding the bill: How big of an asshole do you have to be to not approve it?