I should confess from the start that I’m probably not the right guy to travel to Atlantic City and attend and write about the Exxxotica Expo, America’s largest adult trade show, and Exxxotica Fan Choice Awards, better known as the Fannys. This is the domain of someone with advanced knowledge of porn culture, and I’m more of a porn user than a porn fan. I have only a cursory knowledge of stars and a slight appreciation of the artistry. For me, porn is like shampoo: an item with a specific purpose that I don’t think too much about. I could probably wash my hair without it, but I still use it every day. I use shampoo to wash my hair, and I use porn for masturbating, although I probably could use shampoo for masturbating, too. I also pay for shampoo, because shampoo is not available for free all over the internet. The two times I’ve paid for porn I’ve had my identity stolen. So by attending the expo, I would be mingling with people whose work I’ve enjoyed illegally.

I also do not belong at the Trump Taj Mahal hotel and casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey, where the Exxxotica Expo was taking place. I don’t gamble, I don’t smoke, and I’ve been sober for almost three years. My big vice these days is candy. I was expecting a sleazy orgy of high-stakes gambling, leering perverts, and lines of coke washed down with shots of Jack Daniels. And sex, of course. Lots and lots of dirty sex. But it was not that. Instead, I found a lot of very friendly, goofy people at a very surreal work event. I walked into the Trump Taj Mahal expecting to be tempted and tested, and I left bemused.

The Exxxotica Expo bills itself as “the largest event in the United States dedicated to love and sex.” It was celebrating its 21st anniversary in 2014, and this was its second year in Atlantic City. There are also Exxxotica events in Ft. Lauderdale, Chicago, and Edison, New Jersey. This expo featured over 100 vendors, appearances from top porn stars old and new, including Ron Jeremy, Alexis Texas, Joanna Angel, and Belle Knox (better known as the Duke Porn Star), as well as performances and seminars. The main event was the Fannys, an awards show where the nominees and winners are chosen by the fans. If the AVN Awards are the Oscars of porn, the Fannys are the People’s Choice Awards. Categories include “Most Valuable Vagina” (female performer of the year), “Most Heroic Ass” (best anal), and “Non-White Chick of the Year” (guess). The show was hosted by comedian Bonnie McFarlane and porn stars Allie Haze and Tori Black, and promised a performance by Treach and Kay-Gee of the ‘90s hip-hop group Naughty By Nature, which was fitting, because everyone in attendance is down with O.P.P.