Now here's a story about shit. I took another one today that I'm pretty sure I could've lit on fire if I'd thrown a match on it. I would've preferred that to what actually happened. See, I got so drunk Sunday that I forgot to take my daily shit. Come Monday, it was so long and firm that it actually stood straight up when it hit the toilet bowl. And when it finally broke off, it toppled over slowly like the leaning tower of Pisa, glancing off my right butt cheek as it fell. I immediately started gagging, almost threw up and then jumped in the shower. And now the toilet is blocked. So remember, always take a break from booze long enough for your daily dump.