That page still won't load, which, coming from Luke, isn't surprising. Anyway, did some googling and this looks not so much like massage, but like the bastard offspring of Qigong and Dianetics, with some of Longshot's fortune cookie Taoism thrown in for good measure.

Does he still sleep with his head in the bathroom? I think 85% of his physical ailments would vanish if he got himself a proper bed.