Additionally, I need to eat around 3,000 calories a day just to maintain my weight. The key for me to lose weight is to not drink. I can easily down a fifth of booze in a day, and that's around 1,700 calories. It's impossible to lose weight when you're doing that.

I have a friend who's a personal trainer and I think his motto is something about fitness being 80% diet, 20% exercise. The only food I've consumed in the past 36 hours is the smaller piece of that meat and a baked potato, stretched over several meals. And now I'm drinking bacardi.