I'm about to have a Ketel One as well, on the rocks with some diet 7UP. I need a fucking drink.

I went out of town fishing for a couple of days, didn't catch anything worth keeping and drove back late tonight. It's a 2.5 hour drive back to Anchorage and 15 minutes into the drive, my cat shit inside her cat carrier. It only smelled for a few minutes and then went away, so I thought maybe she had just farted. She's never farted before, but I was engaged in wishful thinking. No. Now she's reaching her front legs out thru the bars of the cat carrier and freaking out and crying like crazy.

I can't really let her out because she can't handle being in a car. I've only let her out of her carrier twice before. The first time, she dove down by my feet and got underneath the brake pedal and almost killed us both. The second time, she leaped onto the back of my shoulders and just dug her claws into me. And I didn't want to pull over to clean out her cat carrier because I was worried she'd dart into the woods or something, so I left her in there. And she cried for the next 2 hours straight. And, of course there were 2 long stops for road construction on the way back to town. The only good thing that happened along the way was that I briefly got to talk to a really cute, friendly girl for about 15 seconds when she came over to tell me she'd be driving the pilot truck ahead of me through the construction site and told me to follow her.

So I get back to town after midnight, start bringing things into my house thru the back door and.... DING DONG! There's a fucking lunatic ringing my front doorbell. I answer the door and this guy recoils back comically, kind of like Dracula when someone pulls a crucifix out. I said hello and asked what he wanted, and he recoiled again, like he thought I was going to hit him. Then I take a look at him. He's a Native kid, with straight black hair, a gray mock turtleneck and black pants and boots. Basically, I have a teenage Native Alaskan version of Spock at my front door. Only he has glazed over eyeballs and two black eyes.

He said he's been out carhopping and carhopped my car a while back. I have no idea what the fuck this means and thought he had jumped off a car and injured himself and that's why his eyes are all fucked up. But he keeps talking about how he carhopped my car, but that he did it a few years back and wanted to know if I would accept his apology. I figured out he meant breaking into cars, even though the only definition I know of a carhop is one of those girls in miniskirts and rollerskates who brings out hamburgers to cars in movies from the 1960's. Anyway, I told him no one ever broke into any of my cars and that he should leave, which he did.

I still had stuff in my Jeep around the back of my house, so I grabbed a weapon and ran back there and decided I'd drive around for 10 minutes to see what happens. Sure enough, Spock circles around and comes back, so I pull over down the street and wait. He comes over to my Jeep and has no idea who I am. He asks if I live in my neighbor's house and claims he broke into it a few years back. I told him he needs to leave otherwise I'm calling the police. He starts yelling at me, "Sir! Call 911! CALL 911!!" I ran into my house and called the police and he, of course, comes to my locked front door and tries to let himself inside. Then he sits down indian-style on my front porch and just stares downward. Anyways, the cops came and hauled him away and now I can't fucking sleep.