If you've been laid as much as I have, I congratulate you, Casanova. I am an average, short, balding man with mediocre talents yet I have enjoyed the company of hundreds of women aged 18-25. It could not happen without porn, greed, and a pussy-divining rod in my pants.

Still, it did happen. Right now, at this very moment, I am ejaculating into a woman's mouth on hundreds of laptops, netbooks, IPads, and government computers.

Your next argument: If I had spent as much money on computers as Bill Gates, I could have owned Microsoft. Uhhhh....no. You're no Bill Gates, sir, and you're even less of a Brandon Iron.