Take my wife ... please.

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A horse goes up to the bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

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A matronly woman walks into a bar with a duck on her head.

A drunk patron stumbles over and blurts out, "Where'd you find the pig?"

She says angrily, "Pardon me, sir. That isn't a pig. It's a duck."

To which the man retorts, "I was talking to the duck."