Thank you for explaining this for me, Nathaniel.

Jamming a champagne bottle up her ass isn't sexy, or impressive. What if the cork came loose, and exploded into her colon? And who would want to open and drink it after it had been up there? I can just imagine a new market for ass-inserted items now, just like these skanks sell their panties on their websites.

If she wants to impress me, she is going to have to take one of those yard-long beer glasses up her ass on the next live PPV show.