Oh, crap, this is getting ridiculous.

Yes, I'm RaeRae's cat, and this Chair Leg fucker is a piece of shit. I've rubbed my asshole on him so many times, I can't even remember it.

You stupidheads have no idea how hard it is to be a porn whore's cat. Jeez, every night she comes home reeking of some sweaty dude who just fucked her. And then she grabs me away from my Fancy Feast dinner and plops me down by her smelly clam. Eeeewwww!

I would swear on a stack of Larry Bird autographed jerseys that I can't stand her being in porn, because it affects ME! I'm the one who gets groped after she lets Manuel Ferrera spill his infected semen on her face, then she comes home and kisses me? Disgusting.

And this weirdo Eric. I told her he was bad news a long time ago, right after she agreed to help pay for that U-Haul he got with the big "Montana" logo on the side. Hell, why didn't he just move there? It would have made our lives a whole lot easier.

I just wish RaeRae would quit porn and come back home for good. I really cherished those nights where we would watch "CSI: Miami" naked on the couch, and she would let me dine at her Y a little.