These days I find myself staring at the tube watching American Justice and Cold Case on A&E. I am amazed at the dumb, greedy, soulless gold digging bitches out there who TRY to murder their rich husbands in some half baked, half-assed murder plot....JUST so they can take the several million dollars they (on average) will acquire and go blow it on more dresses, shoes, jewelry and and other junk wealth.

But it also reminds me why I am not, nor ever will be married. I'd be a seemingly easy target to get rid of by the right, enterprisingly evil whore.

These stories all follow the same script. Some lonely old rich fart aged 40 to 65 falls for a woman who looks like Rue Mclanahan and who also happens to have a nursing degree and, thus, access to all kinds of shit useful for subtly killing a rich fat insecure overstressed man. Of course, the dumb greedy bitches usually fuck up somewhere along the way (like attempting the murder 2 months after marriage and 2 days after signing a 2 million dollar life insurance policy, to go on top of the 2 million dollar prenup she signed before the marriage.)

Uh-uh....this is not happening to ol' burglar. I survived all kinds of shit GOD threw at me since birth, and I will be damned if I am going to be croaked by some evil faux cum guzzling bitch who just happens to be adept at cumplay and thought she knew the way to my heart. FUCK THAT.

The other day, I noticed my pills had been rearranged....I asked ms florence nightingale I've been "dating" about it...she claimed ignorance, told me it must have been my own drug induced confusion and paranoia. After taunting her with the fact that my tolerance is so high she could dump a whole toyota 4x4 full of oxy down my throat and I'd still be able to find her asshole with a 15 inch dildo, I sent her on her way.....she had an evil countenance developing these last few days, and I caught her a couple times cumdodging. Nip that bitch in the budd say I....no fucking way am I ending up on American Justice as the crippled player who one sunny day mysteriously rolled off Atlantic City Boardwalk with a corndog in one hand and his dick in the other.