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Seeing as how you seem to have animosity towards your natural womanly curves. I have a question for about your standards of beauty..

Simple test.

Fat Girl

or

Not a Fat girl

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Kinda fat. Granted these bodies are more of the thick athletic variety, they'd look phenomenal if they shrunk down a dress size. The girl in the above shot has a nice hip : waist ratio, but I'd rather see those same proportions with smaller hips. Once the hips get small, the waist gets smaller, but over all it will be a leaner (yet still curvy) look.

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I think you're way off on the assessment of both those women, especially the first. I find it interesting that a woman's ideal of what is attractive is considerably way off of what a mans criteria is. If you analyze it women drive that "look"

"My ass is to big" "My legs are to thick" "It makes me look fat"

Ok.
Skinny Or Not Skinny

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By the way it seems you are most comfortable sitting in mans lap. Is it from the many hours and years you spent in darkened smokey Gentleman's clubs working? Was the driving force for your eighteen year old self to be in porn because you wanted to be wanted, to be "famous", maybe it was a hunger for carnal exploration?

I had a friend of mine who was a long time dancer and she would get turned on dancing up on stage. It would really get her juices flowing literally, not all the time but often enough. Needles to say, she was later diagnosed as a sex addict. Was this an experience of yours?