I've been having crushes on real girls.



I mean girls I see every day. Girls who aren't just net personalities. Girls who aren't naked with other men's cocks in their orifices ... at least not when I see them.


It's actually unnerving.

This afternoon I added a third lovely to my crush list. A brunette to go with a blonde and a redhead. Two I know from therapy. One I used to work with. Each is very different.

The zaftig blonde doesn't like me; doesn't like me one bit. The gentle redhead's eyes appear to lock on me whenever I talk. I have no idea what goes on in the mind of the wild brunette when it comes to me; I never did.

The second thing she says in her IM is that she broke up with her boyfriend. Why does she always seem to reach out to me when this happens?

And, then I surprise myself.

I actually accept an invitation to go for drinks with the brunette on Friday. DRINKS. I console myself with the 50% probability she cancels or changes it. Her life is always in flux. God knows what's she's doing tomorrow let alone the unknown distant murky future that is Friday. And, if something's going to get bumped, I'm sure I'm "on the bubble".

Might my heart, the one I'm sure is long-since dead, be stirring? Please, no. No.

Like an addict, might I begin to draw near the pleasurable thing that I know destroys me? I fear, yes. Yes.

And, my brain runs wild with ruminations. Few that protect me.

I think about how she sometimes would stand too close to me when she was a baby; all of 21. How she would manage to press her firm perfect breast against my triceps to look over what I was reading. How she would find flaw with other co-workers I casually mentioned as attractive. How she would pout about someone writing her a poem when she read those I lovingly composed for others.

And, then there was the time she showed me her photo art with her right boob the primary subject. Like I needed a boner at 8:30 in the morning.

Was there something there?
Is she just wild and overly friendly?
Does she just like to flirt and live for attention?

Maybe she has a deceptive agenda.
Drawing me close only to concentrate on her taxes.
Maybe I'm the deceiver. Deceiving myself.


I am so NOT good at reading this.


Ugh!






Posting Mia & Lexi pics is SO much easier ........