I just found out, during dinner in Santa Rosa, that my 50-something aunt is into BDSM and has been frequenting a San Francisco Sex club called "The Power-something-or -other".....how did I find out? My aunt told me after she explained my uncle split and she hasnt heard from him in 2 days after he overheard her on the phone with a psychic Yoga instructor discussing her Bondage Lover she has been seeing for four years....meanwhile, as she is laying this pile of moral DUNG in MY FUCKING lap (like I am gonna fix it)...20 feet away, a totally hot chick in a cowboy hat, a tweaked out 20-21 year old dude with 3 day beard and some DRUNK FAT 50 something tatooed guy are yelling, then FIGHTING about something....then the old guy yells "Fuck you, I have AIDS!" and traffic on both sides of the street (Foot AND car) stops and for 3 seconds the city of Santa Rosa was dead quiet.

I sat there imagining my Aunt, who used to bake me raisin cupcakes when i was a little da burglar in the hospital, tied up in rope with a ball gag and orgasming while some guy dressed like MACHINE from 8mm flogs her ass....

Louie Armstrong's "What a wonderful world" was the only element missing from this enchanted evening-Hallmark moment in Santa Rosa


I hate Life