Think about it...'The Osbournes' was a roaring success because it had all the right ingredients. You had the ass-kicking, take-no-shit matriarch (Sharon), the Dad with the indecipherable accent (Ozzy), the wayward middle child called Jack (Jack), the spunky, punky, youngest daughter (Kelly), and of course, the sensible eldest daughter who wanted nothing to do with the whole thing, and had recently had her heart broken by some pretentious antipodean type (Aimee, and Daniel Johns from Silverchair respectively). All shot in their wonderful Californian home with their extensive menagerie of animals.

Now, let us contrast this with the first family of glamour photography:

You've got the ass-kicking, take-no-shit matriarch (check), the Dad with the indecipherable accent (check), the wayward middle child called Jack (check), the spunky, punky, youngest daughter (check), and of course, the sensible eldest daughter who wanted nothing to do with the whole thing, and had recently broken the heart of some pretentious antipodean type (check, and check respectively). All shot in their wonderful Californian home with their extensive menagerie of animals. (Double check)

This would be like 'The Osbournes' multiplied by 'Porn: A Family Business', only better. Ratings gold...and just think of the guest stars!

Holly, you know this idea makes sense...hell, your little sister might even get a record deal out of it. Start a bidding war between HBO and MTV and watch those fat, fat checks roll in...

Next Week: Larry Flynt stars in the new version of 'Ironside', wherein he and his crack team of investigators crawl up the ass of various anti-porn zealots with a microscope and bring them to justice. Critics agree: 'If you can believe that Ving Rhames was Kojak, then you'll have no trouble believing Larry Flynt as Ironside!'