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sicilymeow:

many of you are wondering why i just decided to air my grievances about sg now, why wait when i obviously knew this information for quite some time?

up until earlier this year, i honestly thought that missy had created suicidegirls with her own mind, and was basically the creativity behind the whole site.

i figured that sean was just the guy who took care of all the arduous business aspects and that perhaps he was an investor (though no one would disclose that information). i believed this to be true all the way up until a few months back when sean candidly divulged his story about how he created sg, it was all his idea from the get go, etc...now, at that time sean and i had just established more of a friendship, meaning we actually spoke more than 3 words to one another and engaged in intelligent conversations.

i was quick to dismiss the disturbing behavior i had witnessed whilst living at the house for sgb rehearsals during the spring of last year.

i pawned his angry outbursts, threats and insults off on "stress" and perhaps some sort of manic depression. sean had since made changes within his personal life and seemed genuinely happier. he had the charm turned on high and did nice things like treat us girls to dinner, etc. i was fully committed to the site and touring at this time, and really didn't take the time to ponder the fact that there was a man behind sg, and the implications of that.

i realize that sounds pretty irresponsible and i realize my mistake.

i don't have any excuse other than i genuinely believed in sean for a minute and thought he was an interesting and cool person who cared about bettering himself and so on.

it took living with him this summer for me to understand how much i had stupidly misjudged him.

when the strange behavior, personal insults and violent outbursts started, i began to realize my foolishness.

at that point, i figured i'd stick it out 'til tour and see what happened.

then, a pile up of events occurred, the first being me having to listen to missy speak to the press about how she 'founded sg, blah blah, lie lie, blah blah'.

i had no idea how it would make me feel to hear her lie like that (before i had always assumed her story was true...it had been over a year since i had listened to her speak at a signing).

i actually had to walk away, out of hearing range for fear that i might literally explode.


next, was that sean and i had decided to scratch a big chunk of a solo that i had been working all month on.

i still had 30 days until tour, but he decided to only give me a few days to basically come up with new choreography or he was "going to kick me off the tour" (he loves this threat in particular).

the few days that he gave me happened to fall between picking up and driving 4 girls to the airport (each on different days), a dvd release party that we were all asked to show up to, a dvd signing, oh and picking up him and 3 more girls up from the airport.

plus, he decided that he hated one of the girls, called her all sorts of names, and told her not to come back down for a show we had planned in san diego the following week.

this girl dances with me in one of the essential numbers, so instead he asked me to teach it to another tour girl before she had to go home.

this girl flat out refused, recognizing how irrational sean's requests were, given our busy schedule.

suddenly there was a severe lack of morale and excitement among the girls.

everyone had a different story about what they had been promised regarding the dvd, some wanted to drop the tour all together.

i just wanted to lay it all out in the open with sean and figure out what the story was, which leads me to the dvd/contract inquiry where sean basically told me to 'fuck off' when i requested that we sign contracts ensuring his word on the royalties.

needless to say, i was really upset. i had completely lost any trust or faith i had in sean.

i realized i was a sucker and was so deflated by the lack of morale, i lost all creative inspiration to come up with a solo number.

i had a long conversation with my mom (one of the most amazing and brilliant people i have ever known) and by the end of it, she had knocked some sense into my head.

she had heard my complaints and compliments toward sean in the past, and had warned me ages ago that she thought i was dealing with a psychopath.

we talked about what i was truly representing. we talked about strength, integrity and honesty.

the strange thing is that was that night, before i came back to sean's house (i had spent the night at voltaire's with the intention of working on choreography, where i ended up on the phone for much of the evening instead) i had the intention of packing my bags and quitting the tour.

he beat me to it without any other explanation than 'no more mr. nice guy'.

i spent the next few days really thinking things through, i weighed out the pros and cons of leaving the site and realized that for me to stay would make me a sell out and an embarrassment to my beliefs.

i thought about why i could possibly be so attached to this community and decided that for all of the perks and fun parts, there was no way i could hold my head up and continue to represent sg.

i wasn't really until then that i was suddenly hit with the how fucked up the situation really is.

that sean is the man behind this "woman-friendly" web site?? it doesn't add up.

it doesn't sit right. it's very sneaky and deceptive. so, maybe i was a little slow to come around, but i did.

i didn't want to say anything at first because of the confidentiality contract i signed.

i have changed my mind and am airing every little thing i know. i think him bribing and threatening to sue other girls over leaving, censoring the boards, journals, etc...and basically behaving in a fascist manner has made me decide that i would rather be brave and face the consequences, rather than live in fear of his money connections and lawyers.

like i said, i know that no matter what life throws my way, i will be ok.

i have no fear of sean and his dirty antics, and as far as i'm concerned sg can FUCK OFF!

i'm sick of your threats and fear tactics, there's enough of that crap in the world today and i am fucking DONE. period. *insert middle finger*

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