....that Harvard University Ever Produced..." (someone else said that, not me...)

All hail Liz "Slurpie" Wurtzel and her accidental blowjobs

CLICK THIS


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60au-CyuzwE

How are you Da Burglar?

still kicking, still ticking, still fricking zee Ho Ho's .....

Most people who donate to H want something named after them, like a Hall or a Library or a park bench or some shit.....I'm going for handicap bathroom stalls in all the 17th & 18th century buildings where our founding fathers jerked off in between Latin and Oratory lectures. The monogrammed toilet paper shall read "courtesy of daburglar"

I'm pitching my life story to HBO, I want to be included in conversations years from now when people talk about Richard Harrow (Jack Huston) and Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage)...

Richard Harrow was the Travis Bickle of his day. Welcome back, daburglar!

accidental blowjobs?

You obviously never saw "Prozac Nation"....I'd like to tell you to watch the flick or read the book, but that might put more money in Slurpie's purse....ah wtf, look it up on youtube, search for prozac nation, accidental blowjob, i think the clip from the movie is stored there. I dont want to explain it here it is kinda Ghey

Found it.





I did watch the movie ... or tried to. It was triggering in that I suffered from mental illness in college myself. Bi-Polar misdiagnosed as depression.

All I remember is a scene where she was sitting naked on the edge of a bed or something.

Well done Fatman....finding the clip....do you get the concept now? Perhaps you want to explain to the rest of the XPT Phd-in-perversion class here your interpretation of what is being said in the movie clip regarding "accidental blowjobs", and how we all can apply this knowledge in our lives!?!?!? Give it your best shot, I have faith in you.....!



But let me ask everyone in General out there in the regular population:

1) What does everyone think of Liz Wurtzel becoming a Porn star? Does she have the looks and / or the Body to pull it off and provide at least a few scenes of strokeworthy splooge fodder for us?

2) Do I have any volunteers to go to her next book signing on my behalf, wearing a disguise and sitting in a real wheelchair, introduce yourself as follows: "Hey Slurpie Baby!!! OMG, how the fuck are you, my little Jewish jizz dreidel?!?!? I've missed you soooo much....!?!? Muah Muah *Hugs* *More Hugs* more kisses Muah Muah!..."

Ok, now she probably starts to recoil at this point and yell for Mall Security, but that is when you quickly and loudly proclaim to her: "LIZ!! it is MOI, Rick (aka "Da Burglar") from Quincy House in Harvard Square, remember?? 1988??? You used to call me "meals on wheels because you liked how my cum tasted??" "Is it all coming back yet my little queen Jizz-a-bell??"

Now, as the rest of the bookstore, mall crowd eagerly and nervously awaits her reaction to all this blitzkrieg of depravity, I want you to hand over to her a copy of whatever book she is signing and ask her for an autograph, except the actual book you give her is one you have been jerking off into for the last week and a half so that all the pages are stuck together when she goes to open it....


(Is it wrong that I am GREATLY entertaining myself as I type this shit while I sit in the Trump Plaza awaiting a lovely friend who is finishing up with a client in the Penthouse suite who rents her holes to the tune of 800 dollars per hour....?

1-10, how did she suck cock?

no no no nooooooo, I never actually got a BJ from "slurpie", but there was one moment in time when she was passed out from a 2 day ecstasy-folowed-by-valium binge and if I had been an unscrupulous pervert instead of a gentleman-pervert I could have wheeled my angry penis right up to her oral cavity and inserted same....but she doesnt know that! (*wink wink* you get it now? the whole point of this endeavor is to wig her out enough in public so that she either has a panic attack or relapses back into heroin... remember, the only thing more entertaining than watching a train wreck is CAUSING one ....also remember, this chick is one of the first people to TRY prozac when it was first intorduced in 1986-87....if anyone out there has a fetish for guinea pigs, Liz is your girl, even though she isnt a guinea -She is jewish- .... as for the PIG part, well jewish people are allergic to Pork right? Remember kids, the holocaust might not have happened ....)

Nah seriously, she is not my type, I find her as sexually compelling and attractive as a sack of potatoes....

In blowjobs terms, or the people involved I'd have to go:

1. Michelle Williams
2. Christina Ricci
3. Liz

The closest I'll come to any of it already happened. Seeing Michelle Williams tits in person [in a play].

I don't really know. Or care that much.

It seems to be a mutt of a pathetic excuse. An eclectic, albeit foul quilted web weaved of lying, regret, self-pity and denial stitched with the tread of "feel sorry for me", wrapped with a "does it really matter" ribbon, topped "it's not my fault" bow.


I'm telling you right now ... Michelle Williams is blowing and fucking me, I'm not risking it by getting a blowjob from Ricci.

Michelle Williams got skinny, landed some roles and got an award, I believe.

She probably used some of what Fatty gets on the regular these days.

What award? The Golden Globe?

I don't think she's got an oscar. Like Amy Adams, only noms.


I think that's the price for having been my XT wallpaper.

What might that be??

ESPN insider?

VideoBox?

Ancestry.com?

She gave head to get ahead is what I thought. I know you wouldn't lie.

I'd give Michelle head to get head from her.

Amy Adams, too.

I want a tag team with Any Adams and Selena Gomez, so I can say I fucked Gomez Adams.

According to some guest on Rob Black's podcast who was a kid actor once, Selena Gomez, being an established name, would get four million dollars for a new project.
She'd probably want to negotioate her rate for anything out of the ordinary.

i call absolute bullshit on any and all of her addictions.

I got dibs on doing Cat Marnell.

I call no dibs on Cat Marnell.

I'd do Amanda Bynes or Kirsten Dunst in rehab though.

How bout Bynes in a psych ward. They got her for observations before they book her.

I just saw that. She threw a bong out the window while the cops were in her apartment.

I don't blame her. That bong had been mouthing off all week.

Supposedly, the cops can't find it. I wonder if any charges will stick.

Maybe her bong can fly ....

I actually never realized just HOW much Cat Marnell looks like Lizzie Wurtzel.....I had known of Cat's perpetual trainwreck while being the ....."beauty editor" (wtf?) of some online magazine named JaneXXX or someshit....here's a short blip about "whore"-monic convergence, burglar style:

I am sitting in a waffle house in Egg Harbor Township (outside of Atlantic City) with a drug addled hottie name Suzanne, who is obsessively making sure syrup fills up EVERY single square on her waffle, and she tells me that snorting heroin and Oxycodone has preserved her looks so well that at age 35 she can still pass for under-21 (I grunt in agreement even though I think she looks more 25-ish) and she believes it has added serious mojo to her earning potential....I tell her she should read Liz Wurtzel's latest essay on how Liz, at age 42 can still fit into the same pair of 501 blues she wore at age 19...Suzanne then states that she knows who liz wirtzel is and that she looks like Cat Marnell, a writer who smokes AngelDust and edits a beauty column but who smeared makeup all over herself one day at work and got written up and wound up having the whole saga of her addiction published in an article that was supposed to be about perfume.....?????

I wound up eating half of suzanne's waffles

You ever eat at The Library 3? I think that it is in EHT. Library 2 in like Mt Laurel is awesome, so I'm wondering about #3.

This whore is of little interest to me, she has a distinctive Jew look about her but does not seem to have the large breasts often associated with the Tribe.
Damn you Burg,work towards a larger goal like helping to find out the truth about the disappearance of Oscar Acosta instead of pointing out the uselessness of this bitch.

Fucked Cat Marnell about 8 months ago, nothing to brag abou. I thought I was fucked up. She claimed she was doing some writing for Vice, I figured she was full of shit as I haven't seen a Vice mag in ages, but I guess she did do some shit for their website.

Pussy was average, but when the chemical cocktail was right, her head game was fantastic. Also had no problem taking it in her shitlocker. However, after my 2nd visit inside her turd cutter, only the 3rd overall time fucking her, when I pulled my mule out of her starfish, there was a decent amount, almost like a layer, of her brown pudding attached to my member. Like a champ I managed to finish myself off, shower off my dung covered dong, and left, never to return. I doubt she was broken hearted, got a couple calls I ignored but that was that. I got the feeling that sex was kind of a hassle, or just something she did but didn't enjoy. The only time she really got into it was when we fucked while another couple was fucking in the same bed. Almost like she was competing or just had to put on 'the Cat show'. Meh, she'll have her big "I got sober" moment and will be celebrated for it

How's it hanging, Cleetus?

Oddly enough it seems to shrink as I age

Burg, you ever get bored with the handi-van? I think the dude around the corner may be able to fix that.

Springer front end....thing would be bad ass w/ some ape hangers on it.

I'd buy it if it were Fire Engine Red or Deep Ocean Blue....black is for younger Burglars, I am now too old for a menacing Black handi-vehicle.....

But seriously, I would never ever use such a device to get around, no self respecting crippled pervert uses anything except his OWN power/strength to get around. Even at my age of 44, I still have arms and chest and shoulder muscles that put younger dipshits to shame, and I maintain this in part by wheeling my ass where ever I need to go....plus, if anyone visits Vegas or Atlantic City, you will see a fleet of power chairs and scooters with HUGE Flabby Diabetic people on deaths door. No thanks, one reason I am so popular with strippers is my muscles (when they get buzzed and sit on my lap they like feeling my chest, it makes my money last longer I think...)