JB's still hanging onto every word I say and it tickles me pink...

LOL, I've made 10 fucking posts in like the last 3 months and now my designs to kill everybody on the board with them have been exposed!

Me thinks JB assigns higher import to my posts than they really possess. But, I'm flattered nonetheless.

I'm going to embellish my usual typographical and grammatical errors with additional typographical and grammatical errors so he can start bitching again about those too.

I might have underestimated XPT. Starting posting here again might be fun after all.

Great. Please post *MORE* bullshit so we can further rejoice in your inanity.

The fact that this takes place in a Panzer thread serves but to underscore how inane you are.

Seriously, how banal can you get?

back on topic,you should try the four pack of kirkland brand cheese pizza from costco.great pizza and you can add your own toppings.grab some of their salami or make a hawaiin pizza.

Damn JB, 7 minutes later. You really are hanging onto every word.

Wow, Nothrust, way to recycle other's arguments.

The fact is, it don't work for you. Try again.

You're right, that fat kid looks positively cadaverous, wheezing away in front of his monitor.

The sad part is, any American with a freezer, a small toaster oven and a small frying pan can eat a great freshly-prepared meal for about a dollar. It really helps if you like chicken.

I've seen frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts for as low as $1.30 per pound, if you buy 50 pounds of 'em. That's about four chicken breasts per pound, cost per serving not even 35¢. In human-sized purchases of two or three pounds, that stuff is still only about 50¢ per serving.

Salt, pepper, a little bit of oil -- sauteed chicken breast always hits the spot.

For starch, have a white potato, sweet potato, or some rice. You could pick up a sweet potato for about a nickel. A little butter on that might add another nickel. If I were the fat kid, I might think about skipping the butter but in small portions, fat is where the flavor is.

Probably you'd want another vegetable, and here is where canned vegetables help with the budget. What's a can of corn these days? Sixty cents or so? There are probably at least four servings per can.

One could do the same with that chicken breast (mmm, chicken parm!), some spaghetti and a jar of sauce, or make his own sauce with a can of diced tomatoes. A dollar makes a lot of delicious, healthy meals if you're willing to put 20-30 minutes of your own time into it.

I'm pretty well off myself, so I'm not into the dollar-per-serving homecooked meal out of necessity. Rather, as I've learned to cook I've come to realize that the cost of restaurant meals basically means paying off someone else's staff and mortgage costs, plus a nice profit for them. I'd rather keep the money for my drug habits, thank you very much.

The food reviewer kid looks so pitiful, with his greasy, unkempt hair, pimply face, and grey pallor. Reviewing Lean Cuisine ain't gonna get it done for him. He needs physical training plus a balanced diet with fewer calories than he uses per day.

What that fat kid really needs is five months at Parris Island (13 weeks basic training plus two months in the Physical Conditioning Platoon), but unfortunately in his current condition he's ineligible to enlist. He needs to lose about 70 lbs. before he could go.

Our schools are really fucked up. When I was in elementary school we had PE, plus a gruff coach who told us to move our little candy asses. By the time I got to high school the self-esteem goofs had taken over, and now there's nobody to help this kid by telling him the cold, hard truth: You don't want to be a fat-ass. It's NOT normal, and I'm going to help you fix your problem. The new Oprah-fied schools wouldn't dare.

The good news is, he's 16 years old and therefore probably reads this forum religiously.

Elementary schools nowadays send notes home from the nurse, that your child is obese and it poses a health risk. I don't know for sure, but I'd imagine they do follow up of some sort, asking what you've tried to do. I have also read/heard stories in the past few months of Child Services removing grossly over weight toddlers from their homes. Its one thing being fat and active, another when you roll over in bed and start wheezing from the activity.

Although I'm generally of a Clint Eastwood "Leave People The Fuck Alone" bent, I believe in mandatory PT at school administered by a tough-love drill sergeant or bulldyke coach, at least an hour every day. This kid should get two. There is no reason this kid should be so fat. And there are so many millions more like him.

It's really a shame that ordinary folks, with two parents working, so rarely cook at home anymore. Nobody knows how to cook anything, which may explain the rise of the "celebrity chef" as a person with special, magical knowledge. I was in a grocery store recently and just noticed that Oscar Meyer now sells packaged, pre-cooked bacon strips. Really? People can't even cook up bacon anymore?

Fuck me, I cure and smoke the stuff myself. I'm getting pretty goddamn rustic.

They should send the notes sooner. You should see how fat a kid has to be to be considered obese.

The lowest that I seen chicken breast go was for $1.80/lb in 25-lb cases in that wholesale place near HomeDepot close to the bridge that goes to Manhattan. The only thing is that you need tax id to buy from this wholesale place.

I a fucking sick with everyone promoting healthy eating and all kinds of regiments of diets, go green, natural and save-the-earth causes. I am so sick of these things that I just don't give a fuck about them and just eat whatever I like and feel good about it. I know one thing: that all the companies just want to make a profit, but the fast food/frozen food companies at least try to make their meals tasty.

Healthy food = food that does not taste good.
Fast food = food that tastes great.

I am a fat guy and I approve this message.

If you cook it yourself, you can make it as tasty as you want.

Cooking takes time, and at the end of the day when I am tired, cooking is the last thing that is on my mind. I guess that this applies to most people.

Maybe they gotta make frozen foods more fun: with more prizes, flashier graphics, with stickers inside and more limited editions.

They should make stuff like with video game themes, like Battlefield: Special Forces brand of frozen foods, I'd buy that.

When I'm tired, the last thing I want is food. Just sleep and being left alone.

But if you're the type who wants food, how about preparing something ahead of time for after a long day? Example, salad lasts up to 3 days...wait, the stuff you eat has an infinite shelf life, I forgot.

I would think that eating at the end of day when a guy's all tuckered out might have a wee bit to do with the fatness. Going to bed with a gullet full of grease can't be good.

You don't want no sleep; you want an enema! - pun on Hot Pockets commercial.

Nah, you sleep better after you eat something. I always (like 80% of the time) have a sandwich and warm tea before I sleep.

It's all in your mind. Just have the warm tea. In a few days, you'll be used to just having that at night. If you truly can't deal on those first few nights, that's where doctor prescribed sleeping pills or benzos come in.

I don't eat breakfast.

Just eat fruit if you're not into the breakfast thing. It helps immensely.

No thanks. I'll just grab a hot pocket.

Smoothies make for a quick, easy & healthy breakfast. I buy a big bag of mixed blueberries, raspberries and blackberries. Then a separate bag of frozen strawberries. All organic, of course.

In a blender I'll put a fresh banana, a little container of Yoplai Light, a half cup of low-fat milk (or almond milk), half a cup of acai juice, then a half cup of the frozen mixed berries and half cup of frozen strawberries. Blend it until it's smooth and indulge.

I was never sold on smoothies until I made one of these. I literally felt like I had been injected with an energy-releasing drug.

Killing all those black tranny hookers is tiring for you? You're really out of shape.

If you are too tired to cook, why not take some of your ebay profit and mail order a woman from the home land, then beat her until she's a good cook, just like they do in the Ukraine.

How many schools have PE these days ???

I usually had my mom get me doctor's notes so I didn't have to do P.E.

...and now you exercise your ass off !

im sure most of them wouldnt like all the weird shit based crap hes into so itd be a deal breaker.

Jesus, that kid is a dead ringer for a weed dealer that I know. Like, it looks EXACTLY like him.

PE and exercise are two very different things. PE is as close to Lord of the Flies territory that real life gets.

We've gotten into store brand frozen lasagnas when we go to see the Pot Snobs of Pend Orielle County. No prep. Throw them in the oven and continue smoking. Next round I'll start doing some reviews.

Barry,

If you're really into lasagna, I suggest trying the Cook's Illustrated quick lasagna recipe. The goal was to make a passable lasagna without spending the whole day in the kitchen. When I made it, it took about 45 min. of prep time and about the same amount of time in the oven. And it was way better than any store-bought frozen crap.

http://www.tru-burn.com/Recipes/CI/Lasagna.pdf

Oh, I actually do a great lasagna, if I do say so. I don't boil the pasta, which is a huge effort saver. Fresh homemade and frozen both have their place. When I'm sitting around the smoking table I'm not feeling kitchen creative. I'm more throw it in the oven and come get it later.

So, you use no-boil lasagna noodles, or just regular noodles without boiling them? This recipe specifically calls for the use of no-boil noodles. Shit, if all lasagna noodles are ever used for is to bake in a lasagna casserole, who do they even make both boil and no-boil noodles? I couldn't taste the difference.

I used no boil ones once. Then I saw something on the Food Network or somewhere about not boiling the regular ones. Works great. I think the no boil ones are a scam, because they tasted the same, had the same consistency, everything. I don't buy the no boil anymore. Just the regular works great.

Pend Oreille County! Talk about getting away from it all. Is that pot-snob country?

Snip the rest and snip anything in support of this theory of saving effort on lasagna.

Lasagna is nothing BUT effort. It's designed to feed many people. This is where you go big or go home. Full stop.

Having said that, I'm particularly ashamed at Barry, 'cause I've never known a stoner chef who would willingly take the easy way when otherwise avoidable.

bout to throw a kirkland brand pizza in.just cheese but maybe dunk it in some marinara with parm.

i dont think ive ever made lasagna before.not boiling it first seems like the way to go.do they actually sell ricotta at the grocery?ive seen it made on tv and it seems easy.might just have to get the stuff to make it sometime.

I've tried it both ways. I spent a whole day following a recipe for northern Italian lasagna a while back. I was boiling noodles and making tiny meatballs and all sorts of shit all day long. It was OK. The Cook's Illustrated quick lasagna recipe I posted tasted just as good and I was eating it an hour and a half after I started.

I'm German-Irish and was schooled in the culinary arts, from an early age, by Sicilians, which makes me the Tom Hagan of the kitchen.

Trust me, the slower approach is best. In the kitchen and in everything else.

It's like the old bull winking at the young bull and saying "Let's walk down there..."

Yeah, I can cook too. I'm currently trying to decide whether to make a pizza with the dough that's been slowly fermenting in the fridge for the past 3 days or plop an Allen Brothers steak burger into the sous vide machine for a USDA Prime Steezeburger ™.

Slower is definitely the way to go when making pizza or bread dough. And BBQ should take forever. I'm not sold on the payoff for all-day lasagna though. Do you have a favorite recipe?

I'm a chef, but not a stoner chef. Getting high is purely relaxational. I'm lazy as fuck high. I can't be creative at all when I'm stoned.

I'm not totally sure if they're in PO county, but you probably get the general idea. It's like the guys on Moonshiners. Back to the Earthers with some meth cooks and addicts thrown in for flavor. Some real characters. I'm actually kind of putting together notes for a book, cuz some of these folks are something else. Everyone and their uncle are growing. Not a lot of boutique strains, but some fine product. The people we hang with don't grow, but folks are always slipping them weed. And they're such snobs. When there's no more green in the bowl, they're done with it. It's an "ass hit...load another one". And I'm horrified, because I smoke until there's nothing left to burn. Fucking pot5 snobs.

Yeah, it's getting away fror me. It's not quite going to Nelson, BC, but it's a close second. My cell doesn't work, no one hassles me. No one even really knows where I am. Couldn't live there. I like delivered Thai food too much. But when the world is kicking my balls harder than usual it's a nice fortress of solitude, as it were.

Damn! When I scraped the bowl, I'd save the resin and other leavins for a rainy day or to sprinkle in a doobie. These people probably throw the stem away rather that bother to clean it.

Well, There's a couple, but a LOT of recipies are regional-specific, and you're in one motherfucking specific region so YMMV. (My Dad -least-chef-like-bastard-of-my-acquaintance- was often stuck on KP in your neck of the woods and his gripes make sense, in this context.)





Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining, fucknuts. You're both and it's cool.

Since this is a pizza thread, I'm gonna get all chefy here and post some recent pies. First is tonight's dinner: Curried King Crab Pizza. I had leftover crab from Christmas dinner, so it went to good use. I know that eye-talians say you shouldn't mix seafood with cheese, but fuck it. The white blobs are whole-milk ricotta.



Then, there was yesterday's breakfast pie. If you can make a good pizza, you can eat it for basically every meal. This one was serrano ham, sautéed mushrooms & eggs. I shoulda taken another pic after I broke the yolks.



And then a more traditional pie.

I made my own lasagna couple of years ago without the ricotta.

These are pizzas you made, Steezo? The crust on the bottom pizza (the pepperoni) looks positively fantastic. A little bit of char on the crust is my ideal.

Yeah, I made all of those. Pizza is my hobby and it's one of the things that got me into cooking. There are soooo many variables that go into making pizza dough: flour type, the percentage of water in the dough, the amount & type of yeast, whether to add honey or sugar, whether to add oil, how long you let it rise, etc. And then there's the oven you use and the temperature and the time. Basically, you want the hottest oven possible to get the dough to "spring" up and make a light tasting crust.

A hot oven also lets you cook the pizza quickly so the crust won't become dry inside. Adding oil & sugar helps the crust brown when your oven isn't super hot. There's a whole bunch of shit that goes into making a good pie, but really the Italians figured it out a long time ago. A dough made of just flour, water, salt & yeast cooked in a 1,000 degree oven for about 90 seconds. I only achieved this one time when I tricked my oven door into letting me open it when it was operating on the cleaning cycle. Then I dripped some liquid onto the glass of the oven door, shattering it. :-(

This is my one and only neapolitan-style pizza pie. The toppings are reindeer sausage & mushrooms, so that clearly isn't traditional.



I made a calzone at the same time. In a super hot oven, a real Italian calzone will puff up like a football from the heat.



And since I'm posting my pizza pics, here was a really good shrimp pie. Again, I mixed seafood with cheese.

Fixed.

I made my own lasagna a couple of years ago without the ricotta because it cost more than $2.

...and I don't need to hear anything else.

Some on this board know that when I was a young pervert, I paid my way through school cooking, and, yes, that included spinning pies in NYC.

Thousands of 'em.

The best goddamned pies in the world come out of NYC, but, after years of talking with expatriate pizza chefs, I've concluded that the rumor is true: It's the water. Just like the fucking bagels.

Having said that, Steezo's homemade efforts look, well, goddamned good from my practiced eye, and a damned sight better than what Gunker used to post.

Are they picture perfect? No. But he ain't claiming it. What they've got, though, is that here-it-is-je-ne-se-quoi what buries Panzer Pies, any day.