Holly the Great
Monday, February 15, 2010



Today I had a very good reason to skip out on work. I was asked to speak at a no cost rehab in Venice, on an AA panel at 1 PM. This particular foundation, funded solely on donations, is an adult rehab center for those with very little or no income. As I went to a pretty nice rehab (twice) I knew that it was going to be a crowd different than what I was used to.

Though honored to have been asked, I was very nervous to speak on the panel as the last time I spoke at a meeting I was just awful. I spoke in circles and hardly even breached the topic that was given to me. So this time, I would be much better. I would be eloquent, deep, and poignant. I imagined myself as some kind of sobriety Buddha, who would go before this crowd of addicts and alcoholics and spew forth my infinite wisdom. Those who normally slept through speakers would sit up and take notice, disbelievers would have an epiphany and suddenly believe, and people would both laugh and cry when they heard my story.

So I, The Great One, set out to share my invaluable insight, my life-changing message. I, The Great One, spent too much time in front of the mirror and thus left my house 15 minutes later than planned. I, The Great One, did not have an exact address and thus had trouble locating the center. I, The Great One, could not find any parking. And thus, I, The Great One, was 5 minutes late and walked in after the panel had already started.

Perhaps The Great One needs to work on her promptness.

I made a mental note of exactly what I would say to these people. I had plenty of drunk-a-log stories, but I know that my duty was to carry the message of sobriety. I remember very clearly how it was in my very early days of recovery, and the insanity centered in my mind, even though it had been physically cleared of alcohol and pot.
My last drink was a good story: I was kicked out of rehab after three weeks due to blatant fraternization (even modest fraternization with the opposite sex was not allowed) with a young man who had been court-ordered to this inpatient recovery program. Because our dalliances also had him booted from the rehab, he was en-route back to jail. In my desperate attempt to save this guy I hardly knew (but I thought I shared a deep connection with), I picked him up when he decided to run, and hid him at my house for three weeks. Did it occur to me that I could also face jail time for my actions? Of course it did, but I was too crazy to let it stop me. I was angry at the world— and so I clung to someone more fucked up than me, so that I could feel not so alone in my fucked-up-ness.

A week later, when I got in a car accident (I was sober at the time), I decided the best solution was to drink, and that this boy, now my “boyfriend” would have to join me. So after my second stint in rehab, after I swore to myself that this was it, that I would never drink again, I picked up a bottle of vodka. The first sip made me shiver with delight as the liquor burned through my veins. Forty minutes later I was in a blackout. Hours later I woke up covered in bruises, and with my boyfriend shaking his head over me. This heroin addict, this tough-guy felon who had lived on the streets, said that I scared him. Fortunately I can honestly say that was my last drink.

But when I arrived at the panel, my ex-boyfriend’s little sister was sitting in the front row. She had been in and out of rehabs ever since I’d known her. Well, there goes my I-dated-a-bad-guy story. Now what was I going to talk about that would impress these people? How would I speak to, and connect with people who had lived on the street? I have never smoked crack or even tried heroin, so how would I address those who were addicted to such drugs? How would I— a girl who has never known poverty, neglect, nor physical, mental, or sexual abuse— tell my story to people far worse off than I, and have them see the similarities rather than the differences between us?

If there is one thing I have learned in the past year, it is that alcoholism is the great equalizer: it affects people of all races, genders, and socio-economic statuses. No matter how different our pasts may be, the present for all of us is the same: we are addicts who have been given a second chance at life. I am not so great that I can “make” people listen to me, and thus be inspired to get sober. I can only hope that there is one person in that crowd who is ready to listen, and that there is one thing I say that they can relate to. If I can achieve that, I have succeeded.
So I told my story: what it was like, how I got sober, and what it is like now. And yes, some people slept through my story. Some people did not listen, and glanced at the clock frequently, hoping I would be shutting up soon. But there were a select few who did listen, people who never took their eyes off of me, who laughed at some of the things I said, and nodded their head in understanding at others. And though I know that most of the room did not pay attention, what mattered is that there were a few who did. It was the people who came up to me afterward to shake my hand and thank me, that gave me the hope that I was doing something truly good and unselfish. That I, a spoiled and self-absorbed pornographer could speak to a roomful of people off of the street, and bond with them. At that moment I was not “Holly Randall: Porn Personality”. I was reduced to simply being a garden-variety alcoholic, no better or worse than these people. And you know what? That made me feel pretty great.

http://hollyrandall.com

Holly, looking back, what was the biggest regret of your alcohol-fueled daze: being involved with and abetting a heroin addicted fugitive or having a sexual relationship with the faux Jew L-ke F-rd?

Quote:

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My last drink was a good story: I was kicked out of rehab after three weeks due to blatant fraternization (even modest fraternization with the opposite sex was not allowed) with a young man who had been court-ordered to this inpatient recovery program. Because our dalliances also had him booted from the rehab, he was en-route back to jail. In my desperate attempt to save this guy I hardly knew (but I thought I shared a deep connection with), I picked him up when he decided to run, and hid him at my house for three weeks. Did it occur to me that I could also face jail time for my actions? Of course it did, but I was too crazy to let it stop me. I was angry at the world— and so I clung to someone more fucked up than me, so that I could feel not so alone in my fucked-up-ness.

---

Somehow, I wound up envying the fugitive after reading this.

I don't really regret anything because everything I did brought me to where I am today, and today I am in a good place. Actually that's not entirely true-- there are some things I very much regret, but I don't regret Luke nor do I regret the guy I dated briefly out of rehab. I regret the things I did that hurt others.

Holly you are the best. Don't sweat it. Plenty of people cause people grief without drinking..

Holly Randall you are a classy lady

Seems like she's now shooting a site that is known for buying ad spots at the tube sites. Way to go Holly!

Is it just me?. Sometimes when Mopez makes a post or topic I find my self somewhere between my usual.10 bac and a Dino Velvet post. I really do believe in Mopezy because he's a serious fucker...the d00d does werk... but then there is the obvious disconnect from english as a first language that Dino brings. It's like a warm blanket that smells like piss.

@hollyrandall well, thanks for clearing that up http://tinyurl.com/yfzlygx



xoxo
mpz3000

^ Great pic.

^Shouldn't George Costanza be wearing a Yankees ballcap?

This thread has me lost, but that picture brings back some very happy memories and thoughts.

This is XPT, and as long As I have been posting here, Holly has been a very important, and liked poster. Back in 2005, apparently during Holly's Booze Daze, and well before I knew her at all, she was the object of everyone's lust and affection, primarily because Luke presented her front and center for us to read about and admire. Does anyone remember the Holly Randall for Bukkake thread? What made me first like Holly was how she handled all the perv posts and weirdness here at XPT with such aplomb and as such a good sport. Her life and character has changed and evolved since 2005 and we all have seen it and been lucky enough that she has stayed here and remained our friend and (like it or not Holly) our object of fantasy and affection.

Holly has humility and she will regularly downplay herself despite the (sometimes annoying but always well meaning) efforts of friends/fans like ME who trumpet her good qualities and overall awesomeness. She is not a supermodel in the looks department, but she is and remains the most erotic women in the Adult industry, for many SUBTLE and cerebral reasons. Her appeal is based in her REALISM, she is down-to-earth, and part of that is due to her life experiences, which she shares and gives to all of us freely and honestly. The fact that she is now sober and remains so gives her a whole new dimension as a woman (and thus, increases her attractiveness and strokeability.)

But as she states, "she is now in a good place"; some lucky bloke from England is now her husband and I am sure that, sooner rather than later, we will be seeing Holly's first offspring. I am quite positive Holly will make an awesome mom....

We all meet in our lifetime a handful of exceptional people, people that touch us or impact us in ways that most others do not....there are millions of reasons and ways and examples of how this is true. Holly is such an individual in my mind...I dont think for one second that I have had the same impact on her, and that is cool. She is intelligent, thoughtful and kind hearted but also slightly edgy and even erotically charged (some, including her, might even say "slutty")....she has a type of beauty and charm that is difficult to classify, it is just there, IN SPADES. When you are in her presence she elicits smiles and makes you compelled to just stare and listen, and try to think of things to say that will engage and impress her (in good ways.) The few times I have spoken with her and been in her presence make me realize just how amazing an individual her husband must be to have captured her heart so....

Those of us who know and love Holly as a friend as well as an erotic internet icon of sorts, remain earnestly happy that she is indeed "in a good place" right now...



And goddamn it, stop calling me "Costanza"

mummy they love me mummy they really really do.

^^^^ No one could have said it better Da Burg

OK Georgie !

daburg is nothing more than a glorified stalker.