Dear Mr. Steward,

As someone who has thrived and survived in the XXX trenches as long as you have, I'm sure you are aware of the continuing downward commercial cycle affecting content producers in the porn biz.

'Web 2.0', typified by P2P, BitTorrent, Tube sites etc., is destroying the profit margins of producers all over the valley. Hours after the DVD streets, some dickless loser will have faithfully uploaded it so people can download it for free. Indeed, the only segments of the biz not affected by this plague of piracy are those that deal in physical goods, like toys and lingerie. You can't download a dildo off of Rapidshare, after all.

All of this has got me to thinking as to how the humble content producer (such as yourself) can strike back against the thieving hordes, and dare I say it, but I think I have happened upon a way to do it which may very well revolutionise your entire business model by opening up completely new and as yet untapped revenue streams.

I'm sure you are aware of the phenomenal success of video games such as 'Guitar Hero' and 'Rock Band', wherein players play along to a specific tune by tapping the buttons along the neck of the imitation guitar in tune with the corresponding colored images that travel down the screen. Like the porn industry, the music industry is beset by online piracy problems, but these games have proved to be a real shot in the arm. Just look at the sudden upsurge in sales of The Beatles back catalog after the release of their tie-in videogame, for example.

Which leads me to my idea...imagine a version of these games, but with the facsimile guitar replaced instead with an imitation penis with colored buttons along the length of it that the player must stimulate (in tune with the onscreen guide) by ramming down their throat to various depths, at various speeds, and for various lengths of time.

The soundtrack (upon which the onscreen guide is based) would be licensed from JM Productions, so that rather than people boasting about nailing 'Wayward Son' on Expert Difficulty, you would instead have gamers proclaiming their magnificence due to the fact that they got a 100% score on Aurora Snow/Gag Factor 5.

The added bonus to this idea is that unlike the guitar games (which don't actually help you become a better guitar player in any way, shape or form) this proposed video game would actually teach chicks better deepthroating skills, and what could be more important than that? Indeed, it's certainly more worthy of a Nobel Prize than anything Obama did in his first 12 days in office.

It's win-win all round, to be frank, and I believe I can have a working prototype ready for next year's CES show. The possibilities are truly endless...why, you could even have signature penii just like these games have vastly overpriced signature guitars.

Yours faithfully,

DanG

(PS: Donkey Punch on Nintendo Wii...just think of the possibilities!)