I used to poke a lot of fun at Matt Zane because of his lame antics used to promote himself. Suspending himself from hooks and acting like he created the ALT genre. Some people in the industry got all pissy that I was daring to poke fun at Matt Zane. Well, his latest venture on Myspace should clear up any mystery as to who is the real douchebag here.
Apparently Dark Overlord Zane or whatever make-believe name he’s calling himself these days is a big raging Satanist. If you aren’t sure what that means, it’s a way for attention-whores like Zane to draw attention to themselves in other ways besides never cutting your hair, never bathing, wearing Danzig t-shirts, rings on every finger and probably some dark eyeliner mixed in there too. Think of Zane as a low-rent…no no no…he’s a public housing…no wait….he’s a ‘living-in-a-refrigerator box-behind-Stuckey’s’ version of Marilyn Manson, minus Rose McGowan and actual talent.
Anyways Supreme Evil Chancellor Zane is writing a book! From the looks of it, it even comes complete with what looks to be a flow chart showing how to get to Satan:
What makes this PRICELESS is that when I went to read Supreme Evil Commander Zane’s blog…Google ad sense gave me a simply must-see-to-be-believed targeted ad suggestion.
Google ads suggested link was an “Abbott and Costello” box set. I guess Google thinks that anyone looking at Matt Zane’s blog has an interest in bumbling idiots and slapstick comedy. That right there is priceless. Google ads are spot on!
But wait….there’s more.
Apparently Matt is unable to finance the book he wants to write so he wants YOU to pay him to write it. And Matt sweetens the deal by offering some value-based incentives. Like if you donate $50..Matt will personally post on YOUR myspace. Wow! Amaze your friends! You’ll be the envy of every satanist on your block. So by donating that $50 you earned at Dunkin Donuts this week on Matt’s blog, which is hosted on a site owned by Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch, you can stick it to the “xians” out there and get your “How to get to Satan” treasure map AND Lord Master Zane will post on your myspace (where I’m sure pisspoor spelling and grammar is included in your $50 donation). And hey while you’re at it…pick up the Abbott and Costello boxset.
Who’s on first? I don’t know….THIRD BASE!
However, our fearless antisocial leader Mr. Zane seems to be having trouble getting people to donate the minimum $2 it takes to get onto Mr. Zane’s benefactor list. This makes Matt very angry, I mean goddamnit people we should all be lining up to donate money for Matt’s worthy cause. But Matt thinks that you all are just a bunch of fakers who aren’t really his friends. So Matt doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. If you can’t give Matt money to do what Matt wants…then you’re obviously no friend of his. Matt has even gone as far as to REFUSE to give the confused masses the valuable advice they need in his various areas of expertise: Hanging from hooks, yoga, playing the guitar while hanging from hooks, bad porn and Satan. That is unless you donate for his book. So good luck with your planned weekend “hook hangin’” party…you won’t have Matt to help you work out the details!
I’ve pasted the entire blog transcript for you so that you can follow along in Matt’s venture to publish his little book. Check back here for updates!
***UPDATE***
I’m working my way up the flow-chart to Satanism. I’m currently stuck at the squiggly line that busts out to the left. Soon as I figure this part out I’ll be ready to tackle the “2 Dumbbells Inside A Bloated Figure Eight”. After that the only thing standing between me and the Prince of Darkness is the “Triangles Inside Of Triangles” level and the “4 Directional Circle Of Doom” and then BAM..I’m in the “Star Inside A Circle”…and I think we all know what that stands for. Actually what DOES that stand for?
Here’s the full transcript from Matt’s Blog: (Yes this is REAL)
Quote:
Help Me Publish My Book!
You can support alternative literature with a small donation as low as $2.00.
Donate as little as $2.00 up to $49.00 dollars to receive personalized posting on your MySpace page.
Donate $50.00 to receive a free copy of my book with personalized inscription.
Donate $100.00 to receive a free copy with personalized inscription and have your name included within the acknowledgement section of the book.
Please spread the word and thank you in advance for all the support.
Matt “The Lord” Zane
Frustration begins to set in:
Quote:
To my so called friends…fuck off and die.
Some of you may have read my numerous bulletins regarding my request for small donations in regards to my book this past week. In case you missed any of this information please refer to end of this posting to familiarize yourself of the situation if interested.
This message is not for the people that have been gracious enough to donate. I sincerely thank you for your unselfishness and support in the quest for publishing what I consider to be my masterpiece creation.
This letter is to three types of people, each of which I would like to define.
The first type that did not donate are the wanna be never will be anything friend collectors that simply added me thinking that one more friend would make their pathetic life seem more important. I wish I could curse death upon your meaningless existence but you’re already dead inside. Anything I say to you could be no worse that than the empty life that you have to endure on a daily basis. You are nothing more than a biological machine creating shit…literally. You are all shit making machines. I didn’t expect any of you to donate considering your dire situation (life) so please just delete me from your friends list. (Although you won’t because it hurts too much to not have me as a fake friend) You are all very pathetic.
The second type of individuals that didn’t donate is the ones that actually write me claiming to be supporters of everything I do. These people include the ones that have sent comments, kudos and messages over the years claiming to enjoy my various projects but have seemed to disappear now that I have asked for something relatively insignificant in return. You would think that these people would want to donate since it would be going towards releasing another one of my projects. So to you this message applies. Fuck off and die.
The third type of people is my actual friends I know in real life that I personally e-mailed, text or called regarding the donation. For those of you that didn’t return my message fuck off and die. Would it have been that difficult to at least acknowledge my request with a dignified answer? I am done with all of you.
So some of you may be thinking I’m not being sensitive to people’s financial situations at the moment. Is asking for $2.00 to high? Then how about donating a $1.00 as a kind gesture of support? If you say yes $1.00 is too much then you are a scum bag and a liar.
So this is the way it will work from now on. Every week people write to me asking for information about suspensions, Yoga, meditation, diet, music, the adult biz and my ever so interesting life. From now on I will not answer one question or reply to one message unless a donation of any amount is made to me. It’s that simple. Even after my book is released the donation for answers will stay in effect. Don’t like it fuck off.
To my fake friends I know in real life that read this. Lose my number.
The Lord
You have a phone Matt? Is it an EEEEEVILLLLL phone? Here’s a quick Matt fact: Matt bills himself as being from “The Land of Diseased Chains”, yet he likes to suspend himself by gouging his body with hooks attached to….wait for it….CHAINS. I hope you sanitized those chains Matthew. Matt’s anger continues:
Quote:
UPDATE: I don’t want to hear one more long drawn out pathetic story about how things are so difficult you can’t afford even $1.00. Unless you are living on the streets anyone can find enough change between their automobile and couch to donate $1.00. In the time it took you to write that long ass sappy story you could of walked to four neighbors and asked each one of them for a quarter. I have a friend who is living in his car at the moment who still went out of his way to contact me and offer me a few bucks. Do you know why? It is because instead of saying he cared he showed it even at a time when he was struggling. Words are cheap…actually they are free and mean nothing without action. The people that have given every excuse to why they can’t donate $1.00 yet still claim to support me are the worst type of people that I have encountered during this donation process. You truly don’t give a shit. You are shit. Your lame tales of hardship will not fool me and I see right through your attempts to re-shift my focus away from the matter being discussed. Thank you for exposing yourself so I can extract you from my life forever.
To everyone else that decided to simply wish a “good luck” instead of an excuse or a donation I would like to say fuck you as well. I don’t need luck. I need a small donation. That also goes for all the people trying to help with advice. Wipe your ass with that advice.
I also love to see how some of my so called friends think they are above these postings. I have news for you…you’re not. Stop trying to call or text to save your ass. I see you now. Fuck off.
I will not be duped into any of your manipulations.
To everyone else that is donating thank you. We are getting close.
The Lord
Yes Matthew, Satan is very pleased that your Myspace donations are coming through. Satan did want me to tell you that he’s become more of a Facebook person now especially since he can link it to his Twitter account. He wants you to sign up for Facebook so he can give you a Super Poke.
Source: PornNewz.com 
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