Things to teach your son about buying Liquor store Porn. By the learning Annex of the Yellow Couch 2007 1)
On PaymentDon't pay in coins, it just infuriates the register guy and makes you look silly, have your money counted beforehand and ready, the sooner you pay the quicker you are out of there.
Amendment - Don't look to excited, keep you hands away from your crouch and don't lick your lips, just act like its an everyday thing!
2)
On CardingIndian guys don't card, Asians don't card, Mexicans don't card, White Dudes CARD, stay away, works with most items.
3)
On Hiding the Take Bring your own brown bag, I have seen a new trend of using small cheap bags that don't cover the title, DON"T let "The Man" catch you with porn!
4)
The Choices, so many types?It's always best to decide before hand what you want to jerk off too, so you spend less time looking like a pervert looking at porn.
5)
The 3 pack scam:The 3 pack while seeming a good deal usually has some English crap with black and white pictures in the middle, and 9 times out of ten you will end up with a mag you have already, so stick with the one really good mag.
Amendment- The first mag showing is a trick, they always show the good one up front, usually not worth the $9.99.
6)
On shrink wrap:In the olden days, they didn't shrink wrap the porn so you could prospect the wares and make an informed decision, Shrink wrap is the creation of "The Man" to try and keep you down, so try a quick sneeze and rip through it, flip through the pages by your knees, when you are ready to buy, grab a new sealed one and leave the open one there for your comrades. Poking holes in it wont work you just waste time, if all else fails make your purchase based on the history of the mag, IE Playboy sucks, Gent, Score, FOX, Good!
7)
The dreadful "what if my friends see me buying it?"Since man has been slaying dragons this fear has been a reality, I have found:
a)Do your shopping farther from your neighborhood works well
b)Wait until very late
c)Get a stupid friend to purchase it
d)Buy some other crap mags and stick the dirty one in the middle.
8)
There are girls in the store, what do I do?This is a sickness that usually affects the teens and mid 20's when you are older you realize that all chicks are sluts anyway so you could care less, in fact you may even begin looking for stores with chicks in it so don't worry this one, just hang out looking at the candy bars till they leave.
9)
That VHS video looks HOT!WARNING WARNING Doctor Smith!! This is an old trick the Jews used to trick Philistines with on wax tablets, 99.999 times the cover has absolutely nothing to do with what's on the tape.
10)
That guy looking at mags next to me is spending more time looking at me then the mag? RUN FORREST RUN! No good can come of this by staying any longer, run home and always check for any cars following you.
Supplement -Where to hide your porn-Mom's check the bed, Mom's check the closet, under the dirty underwear wont work, the Garage is you best bet, if anyone finds it, it will be dad, and by rights of brotherhood he should not mess with your porn.
I feel guilty for looking at that chick being tripled sodomized.Just remember guilt is the creation of "The Man" to keep you down, in the animal kingdom triple penetration is practiced all the time so it's nothing to be guilty about - unless it's your daughter
(please see Things to Teach your Daughter about Porn 2007.)Help me people
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