Hi, Kids! If you've been around for any length of time, you've seen the work of our boy
Da Burglar, waxing on and on
...and on...about a variety of subjects. Here's a chance to test your knowledge of XPT, DB and his unique brand of perversion. Some of the questions are easy, some might require a few searches, and some are just downright nasty-impossible.
To make it more interesting, you can win some
free porn for your efforts.
The Rules:
(i) Take your time over the next two weeks to look over the test. Entries accepted until
October 9, 2007, 1:00 a.m. MST.
(ii) You can score points based on the difficulty of each question. When you're sure you have your best answers, send them to me in a private message. Each correct answer ='s one correct answer x the point value. XPT user with the highest point total wins. Winner gets to choose from:
-one of the promo discs I got from AEE
-slightly used "Gag Factor" t-shirt (no stains, I promise)
-64 PPV minutes from my AEBN account. That's at least five free orgasms.
(iii) Any registered, unbanned XPT user is eligible to play, except Da Burglar. And please DB, don't answer calls for tips on the harder answers.
(iv) You can challenge the validity of one (1) question. The dispute will be resolved by DB himself.
(v) In the event of a tie, we proceed to some additional questions to break the tie.
NOW GRAB A BEER & LET'S GET STARTED!!!
1. (1 point)
Da Burglar matriculated from which Ivy League institution?
a. Columbia
b. Penn
c. Harvard
d. Cornell
Answer: Harvard. Obvious. I even narrowed the field by pretending anyone still considers Columbia part of the Ivy.
2. (2 points)
Da Burglar is completely confined to a wheelchair?
a. True--he's paralyzed
b. False--he can stand briefly
Answer: Yes!!! Burg can take a few steps here and there. I've even received reports that DB can take a leak standing up!!! That's got to be some accomplishment, much further advanced that some shitbag like Guapo pretending to be a black man.
3. (3 points)
Which country manufactures DB's favorite wheelchair?
a. United States
b. Israel
c. Germany
d. Denmark
Answer: I don't know what the heck is so great about Jewish metallurgy, but it was most debinitely an Israeli cripple sled. It's even got a nice blue powder coat paint job on it.
4. (1 point)
DB's favorite pornographer is:
a. Jeff Steward
b. Holly Randall
c. Matt Zane
d. Pariah
Answer: If you didn't know it was Holly Randall, please let me refer you to question #15, then let Smelly Monkey beat you with a tack hammer.
5. (2 points)
DB's second favorite pornographer is:
a. Holly Randall
b. Jeff Steward
c. Pariah
d. Matt Zane
Answer: Pariah. Yes, the brainy producer of Pariah Productions is another Burg favorite. Apparently this stems from a lunch meeting (palce unknown) with P, Brug, the-agent-formerly-known-as-Chico and a few other people. If you need a little porno "pick-me-up," a Pariah video is the way to go.
6. (3 points)
Burglar tried to pitch his pornography ideas to which producer?
a. Jeff Steward
b. Rob Black
c. Vic Thomas
d. Paul Thomas
Answer: Holy crap, who answered Paul Thomas??? Burg had an elaborate trip planned from his Mendocino "farm" down to discuss his gross porn ideas with...Rob Black. Funny thing happened when Burg finally realized what an untalented dirtbag Rob is...Rob dissed him, apparently assuming that no crippled degenerate could outpervert him by threefold.
7. (1 point)
Burglar was a XPT moderator for:
a. Shit List
b. A World Outside Porn
c. Website Talk
d. None of the above
Answer: Shit List. The boy gave it up for me. So blame him.
8. (2 points)
Burg's co-moderator in his forum was:
a. Willie D
b. Zenman
c. Grip Johnson
d. Loopnode
Answer: Zenman, Burg came in after Grip left (one of the original XPT mods), Muscle-eeny was already there when Burg arrived.
9. (7 points)
Which of the following was not a previous Da Burglar avatar.
(ALERT: this is a trick question: he used all of these images, but there is a subtle but clear difference in one of them)
a. The "Blow Job Accessible" sign
b. The "Bert Bin Laden"
c. The "Mandy Taylor Lipstick Torso"
Answer: no one got this right, including DB himself. When I joined XPT, Burgie's avatar was the cripple picture Mandy Taylor painted on her lovely torso. This was right in the middle of the time Burg was having some extortion threats from a camwhore he came across (pardon the expression). I kept pm'ing Burg asking him what that pic said...it finally ocurred to me that the whole picture was backwards. Two months he left that av up...I can't imagine how many other people wondered about the same thing...
10. (2 points)
Burgy guest-blogged for L-ke F-rd during which AEE Expo?
(remember, the AEE is in
January)
a. 2004
b. 2005
c. 2006
d. 2007
Answer: 2006. Actually Burg and I kind of filled in for the boy while he observed the Sabbath. When I finally got there on Saturday and told JeffMike what was going on, he replied, "Bull, I just saw Luke wandering around a half hour ago."
11. (2 points)
The first whore enshrined into the "DB Trainwreck Museum" was:
a. Taylor Rain
b. Genesis Skye
c. Babydoll
d. Randi Wright
Answer: Oh, yeah, TMFR, baby!
12. (4 points)
Which whore has not been photographed sitting in Burg's lap?
a. Hailey Young
b. Gia Jordan
c. Christie Lee
d. Gen Padova
Answer: Gen Padova. Christie Lee's pizza-box-ass and Hailey's tunamelt fivehead have been well known in Burglar photo-lore. He did allow Baby Gia to sit once for a photo at the 2006 AEE. Sorry, I don't have a link, but it's out there.
13. (2 points)
Burglar has interviewed all of the following whores except:
a. Hillary Scott
b. Isabel Ice
c. Meadow
d. Elena Rivera
e. Sandee Westgate
Answer: Well, technically Burg never formally interviewed Hillary. Burg dug his own hole when he accused her of fostering the Yeast Infection which led to the photo we all know and love. Even afterward, Burg's alleged-pretend-apology to her and then his pretend-retraction-of-said-apology were classic. He subsequently developed a close relationship with Hill, whereupon she dropped mad shit about Brandona Irons and his disgusting Herpes-spreading techniques.
14. (4 points)
Which whore interview featured a big fan of the movie, "Slap Shot?"
_______________________________________ (supply the whore name)
Answer: Yeah, it was Angela Stone, I still love that whore.
15. (3 points)
Who interviewed Janine (theoretically or otherwise):
a. Da Burglar
b. Smelly Monkey
c. Random
d. None of the above
Answer: Only Random could have pulled that off.
16. (9 points)
Burglar dated a girl from which Nevada house of ill-repute?
a. Chicken Ranch
b. Bunny Ranch
c. Kit Kat Ranch
d. None of the above
Answer: Bunny Ranch. Just to be sure, that's Dennis Hof's shithole, right? I forget the whorehouse names, but Dennis is enough of a scumbag to try and pay his whores in drugs. Apparently DB's whorefriend didn't like this, leading to some threats on Dennis' part. Denny, are you the benevolent pimp they played you to be on Showtime? Or are you just another disgusting suitcase pimp who should be taken out into the desert and be shot with small-caliber weapons until you're left to die of thirst, you disgusting shitbag of a human being...DIE BASTARD, DIE! DIE! DIE!
17. (15 points)
At which restaurant did Burglar have his self-ballyhooed "lunch date" with Holly Randall?
a.
French 75 in Burbank
b.
Cheesecake Factory in Woodland Hills
c.
California Pizza Kitchen in Beverly Hills
d.
The Boar's Head in Santa Monica
Answer: Boar's Head. Holly is somewhat English...thank God she developed a sinker ball to drop Puke Floored into a d(silent 'r')unktank.
Thanks to all who played...sorry Drew Black, in hindsight, you were't eligible either...you're too busy trying to sell ADT.
...in reality he was passed out, having "crashed" into a vending machine in an effort to get the lassssst bag of Funyuns in one of those "I'm about to pass out but I need food in my stomach to soak up the remaining alcohol or else I will go into a coma"-type fits...)
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