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*First, I apologize for the all caps and terrible grammar, but it goes with the territory on this important announcement**

TO THE NUMBER ONE FANS: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF KIRK LACKWOOD FOR PUBLICLY ASSAULTING GRAM AND HE IS VERY VERY SORRY IT SOMEHOW WAS VIDEO TAPED. KIRK REALIZES THAT WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG AND WOULD LIKE TO IMPLORE GRAM NOT TO PRESS CHARGES. HE REALIZES IT WAS A CHICKEN SHIT THING TO DO TO PICK ON A TUBBY JOURNALIST WHO CLEARLY CANNOT DEFEND HIMSELF. ANYONE WHO THINKS HE IS A FAG CAN PLEASE SAY IT TO HIS FACE SO HE CAN PUSH YOU (PROVIDED YOU CLEARLY CANNOT BEAT HIM UP) OR POSSIBLY GET YOUR PHONE NUMBER - IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THAT SORT OF THING. FINALLY, IT IS REALIZED THAT IT IS REPREHENSIBLE TO ASK FEMALE TALENT TO PUT THEIR FINGERS IN HIS UNWASHED RECTUM NETHER REGIONS IN ORDER TO FACILITATE HIS ORGASMS DURING A STANDARD BOY/GIRL SEX SCENE. IN THE FUTURE THIS ACTIVITY WILL BE VOLUNTARY UNLESS KIRK IS THE ONE CASTED TO TAKE ANAL. HOWEVER IF NO ANAL PLEASURE IS GIVEN TEMPER TANTRUMS MAY TRANSPIRE.

SINCERELY,

KIRK LACKWOOD PRESS CORP

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Kurt was born in a strange land where the existence of shirts was unknown, everything was written in ALL CAPS, and anal fingering was a standard nightly occurance. Please take it easy on him, he just does not know any better.

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