The phone rang in one of the other rooms. I couldn't tell which one. We had just moved into our new home and I still needed to figure out the acoustics of the house. When the first ring sounded it had that echo one gets in a restroom but it sounded further down the hallway. Maybe the kitchen at the end of the hall.

It rang a second and a third time. I had no intention of getting up to answer it. I was in a mood and didn't feel like speaking to anyone unless the conversation was going to end with a blowjob, and I knew my girlfriend, (lets just call her L) was ironing clothes so that wasn't going to happen. I knew she'd answer the phone though. My girlfriend is a pleasant woman, always in high spirits, with a perpetual smile on her face, always willing to talk to anyone that speaks to her. I always found it odd that she and I get on as well as we do what with her liking people and I, in general, detesting humanity. Perhaps it's that I'm happiest when I'm miserable. In the end I will bring L down and she too will be miserable one day. But before it gets to that point I knew she'd answer the phone.

The fourth ring cut off midway and she said, "Hello?" Then I heard her tell the person I was home. Then she called my name. "Tell them I'm not home," I yelled back. "They already heard you," she replied. "I don't care, tell them I'm ill. I'm not speaking to anyone today." "I don't know what his problem is, he doesn't feel like talking," she explained to the person holding the line. "Can I get your name and have him call you back?" She paused, then asked what it was regarding.

I knew it was most likely a business call, not a friend. She wouldn't have been so formal with a friend. L's voice rose, "Excuse me? He did what?" Great, I thought, what the hell did I do now? "Listen, lady, he's with me!" she shouted, making sure I heard her quite clearly. Whatever was happening, I knew my chances of getting a blowjob were out the window. More than likely I'd be the one on my knees before the day was done. "Don't call my house again, bitch!" were the last words I heard before the receiver smashed down and she began her march towards my office. I could not for the life of me think what the hell I could have done to get myself in trouble this time. I'm a good man. I have never been unfaithful nor have I ever lied to my woman, the woman who was about to give me a verbal lashing any second.

Perhaps it was a fan calling. A female fan looking for some hot action. Don't laugh. It is possible. My phone number is listed in the books; it's not like I'm very hard to track down. If that were the case then there was no reason for me to be worried. I cannot be held responsible for the wild desires of total strangers.