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#139084 - 01/09/06 07:19 PM
10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Ed Hardy Wearing Loser
Registered: 12/15/05
Posts: 30
Loc: Porn Prison Planet
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#1 Somebody fuckin teach Jesse how to hold a fuckin microphone. You could only hear every other word the bitch said because she swung it around so much. Just tell her it's a dick.
#2 The food sucked.
#3 The shitty no-name music acts sucked.
#4 Started way too late.
#5 Ran way too long.
#6 The cheesy metal music the band played in-between awards sucked. They should've had the DJ play there instead.
#7 Larry Flynt speech was the highlight of the show but the greatest porn figure of all time couldn't be heard at all.
#8 Too much Jenna/Randy. What year is this 2006? or 1996?
#9 The boring stage set-up looked like it was designed by a blind three year old.
#10 Whoever wrote the stupid jokes for the presenters to say before they gave out the awards needs to be shot. Whoever thought it was a good idea needs to be shot. Even real hollywood actors sound stupid telling jokes at awards show. What makes you think porn actors are going to sound any less idiotic?
It was b-o-r-i-n-g. No surprises. No longshots. Nothing. OK, MacKenzie Who? But that's a surprise in a bad way. This was AVN just spinnin wheels and blowin opportunities to shine. This show was a big step backwards from the following years. Just watch last years show, then throw in Pirates, then think even more sucky and then you pretty much have this year, Grade C+
_________________________
"The pen is mightier than the sword but emoticons are for douchebags."
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#139085 - 01/09/06 11:09 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Sex Slave Trader
Registered: 11/14/04
Posts: 1460
Loc: Down there
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I like me some Gia'd Jerkins.
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#139087 - 01/23/06 09:09 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 01/23/06
Posts: 57
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
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I HAD A PRETTY GOOD TIME.
I'M COCK SUCKER OF THE YEAR!
MY MOM IS SO PROUD!
KK
_________________________
"The Bunny Ranch is trashy and it's trailers. You feel like a ho when you're there." ~Emily
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#139088 - 01/23/06 11:05 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 04/21/03
Posts: 675
Loc: Belgrade
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Quote:
... getting 2 awards didnt hurt either. 
Trophy whore! 
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#139089 - 01/24/06 01:17 AM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 01/14/06
Posts: 79
Loc: Las Vegas, NV
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I had a great time at the show. It was my first one, and I got to sit up front. But I do have some gripes: 1. The food. My money went to what? 2. Not enough girls. 3. Too many fans getting in by buying tickets from hotel staff. 4. Did I mention the food sucked? 5. Lame jokes. 6. Monotonal presenters 7. I love Jenna, but not that much. 8. Please, please, PLEASE NO MORE MULLETS! 9. I thought these people were misfits in high school. Hmmm. Vivid&ClubJenna certainly made up for. YAY! GO TEAM! 10. I didn't get laid, or invited to any kick ass parties. My husband and I wrote a letter to the folks who run the show, and told them that they need to allow female talent in either for free or for a good price, and cut down on the number of pornies (sort of like Trekkies, but for porn) buying tickets from waitstaff. You have no idea how pissed I was when I got emails the next day from guys I know outside the industry who crashed parties looking for me. Where was I? Home nursing my sore ass feet, and taking a nice plunge in my jacuzzi. Next year, I'm throwing a party at my fucking house.  KN
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#139091 - 01/24/06 02:46 AM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/28/04
Posts: 4450
Loc: The Planet Houston
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Quote:
#3 The shitty no-name music acts sucked.
yeah they were pretty bad. geezus. get whitesnake or something. that punkpop bullshit was brutal and that singer really needed to be shot twice in the back of the head.
Quote:
#6 The cheesy metal music the band played in-between awards sucked. They should've had the DJ play there instead.
naw you gotta cut them some slack. they had to play non-copyrighted music.
I did talk to one of them, mark stone and told him if i ever win an award play me off with a little AC/DC "Back in Black" cross your fingers.
Quote:
#7 Larry Flynt speech was the highlight of the show but the greatest porn figure of all time couldn't be heard at all.
...yeah..
Quote:
#8 Too much Jenna/Randy. What year is this 2006? or 1996?
double J needed her glasses...that was comedy.
Quote:
#10 Whoever wrote the stupid jokes for the presenters to say before they gave out the awards needs to be shot.
yeah did they write them 5 minutes before showtime? christ that was some bad news to sit thru....what was worse was looking back at the prompter and reading the jokes...and yup that's the way they were written..badly
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#139093 - 01/24/06 09:15 AM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 12/06/04
Posts: 82
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Quote:
#3 The shitty no-name music acts sucked.
Let me be honest: I have not been to the AVN awards the last two years, 2005 and 2006, so my perspective is more historical than current.
The band at the AVN awards SUCKS. They have ALWAYS sucked, they are a tone-deaf garage band that -- if the two main people in the band didn't ALSO PRODUCE THE SHOW -- would have disappeared like a turd down the toilet 20 years ago.
They are awful, dreadful, horrible. I remember when I was assigned to cover their gig at Palladino's on Reseda Boulevard years ago. They had Dyanna Lauren singing with them, one bright light of competence in the sinkhole of wretched awfulness, but the one thing I remembered was when they offered their new CD to anybody who wanted one and NOBODY MOVED TO THE STAGE until some good-hearted soul -- Dasha, I think -- walked up and took one.
In an evening I have referred to as "detention" -- "You don't want to go but you have to, and you are bored out of your skull for three hours" - the band is one of the lowest points.
--t
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#139094 - 01/24/06 09:43 AM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/28/04
Posts: 4450
Loc: The Planet Houston
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Quote:
Quote:
#3 The shitty no-name music acts sucked.
Let me be honest: I have not been to the AVN awards the last two years, 2005 and 2006, so my perspective is more historical than current.
The band at the AVN awards SUCKS. They have ALWAYS sucked, they are a tone-deaf garage band that -- if the two main people in the band didn't ALSO PRODUCE THE SHOW -- would have disappeared like a turd down the toilet 20 years ago.
#3 was referring to DJquik and the PunkPop band not the house band....
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#139095 - 01/24/06 10:40 AM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 09/03/03
Posts: 746
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how come they won't get the line up that performs at the players ball? they had p funk
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porntalk home of the guys who got pushed into lockers in highschool.
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#139096 - 01/24/06 10:59 AM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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To quote Tim Dog: "DJ Quik can suck my dick" jheri curl wearing punk ass west coast bitch. driveby beddy bye 
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"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#139097 - 01/24/06 11:17 AM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 06/30/04
Posts: 691
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Quote:
I thought the AVN awards would want as many porn performers there as they could get so you shouldn't have had to pay much at all. Also if you were nominated you should get in for free or at least really cheaply and you should get extra tickets. I read somewhere that tickets were $250 ? Is it true they were this much or was this just for fans?
If you weren't given a ticket, they cost $250. I do feel that the awards should be industry only, but from a business stand point at 250 times the 3,000 to 4,000 tickets sold (supposedly), I doubt AVN would want to pass on that sort of profit.
If you like smaller crowds, the XRCO Awards are much more intimate.
_________________________
Amor est vitae essentia
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#139098 - 01/24/06 11:18 AM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 06/30/04
Posts: 691
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I think it would be cool if they had performers from the industry do dance numbers in between awards. Also, the technical AVN Awards could be a separate ceremony held in LA.
_________________________
Amor est vitae essentia
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#139100 - 01/24/06 01:14 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 429
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just book Blood for Blood and have it over with.
_________________________
I'll cut off your ears, nose, lips, and I'll stab your fucking face, so for the rest of your life, you'll remember your mistakes
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#139101 - 01/24/06 03:08 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 08/03/03
Posts: 291
Loc: Illinois, the Porn Void
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God forbid that the fans (the people whom you "stars" wouldn't exist without) could actually get in. I think that's a pretty shitty statement, or am I just taking it the wrong way? Quote:
3. Too many fans getting in by buying tickets from hotel staff.
_________________________
"Never underestimate the power of low self-esteem" Jeff Steward
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#139102 - 01/24/06 03:28 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 9181
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Quote:
Rammstein could have been the band
Nice job, Kara [K]Nox
Buck Dich,
Besilige Dir.
Wenden dein Antlitz ab von mir.
Dein Gesicht ist mir egal.
Buck Dich...noch einmal.
Edited by Willie D (01/24/06 03:57 PM)
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#139105 - 01/24/06 04:34 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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#139106 - 01/24/06 04:36 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 105
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This was my 11th time going to the awards. Granted it's not new to me anymore but here are some things I haven't cared for in the past or this year.
The "Red Carpet" - OMFG! I thought last year was bad. Years ago you had plenty of space (several people wide). Was nothing more than a slow walk while being blinded by flashes. Couldn't even go around the line as they had a checkpoint to make sure you had a ticket this year. People cutting in, parts of the line 2 people wide, people yelling right in your ear. Jesus I know the fans need to take pictures but they don't have to have their noses in your ear to get a shot. Zoom lens?????
Food - Always a disappointment. Believed we were served 2 sets of egg rolls and 1 plate of wanton. Worked out to mostly people getting 1 of each. I liked those fancy pizza bagels back in the day. 
Band - If I am not mistaken it's the same band that has been playing since 94. Even a good thing can get redundant, change is good. I really liked it when they had the DJ there with mostly black lights and freaks walking around juggling stuff. Was different (plus I prefer that type of music)
Cocktail waitresses - Or should I say cardboard cut-outs of servers that get your hopes up they will actually come to your table and take an order.
DJ Quick! - Has that guy released an album in the last 5 years? Would have been ok if he sung "All the girls just love me, 'cause my jerry curl is greazy."
Drunks - Ok I admit I love the drink but I would like to get by one year without some angry chick yelling at waiters and people around her during the show. Don't girls get horny anymore when they drink?
Press - Wasn't a problem this year so much but in the past so many photographers would come up front, block your view, even take a chair and that really gets annoying. Good job this year.
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#139107 - 01/24/06 06:06 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 01/14/06
Posts: 79
Loc: Las Vegas, NV
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Yeah, and you said something about throwing things at a particular girl presenter. :-) Rammstein. Definitely. Du riechst so gut du riechst so gut ich geh dir hinterher du riechst so gut ich finde dich - so gut ich steig dir nach du riechst so gut gleich hab ich dich Yup. If you non-German readers only knew how fucking hot that lyric is. He's singing about fucking a woman from behind, because he likes the way she smells, in an animalistic, overtly primal way. If you hear the song, or see the video, no translation is needed. Of course, there's Bestrafe Mich, or "Punish Me", about him wanting to be dominated. For those who don't know this band, run, don't walk, and get the dvd Live Aus Berlin, and tell me this kind of stage show wouldn't be what the AVN Awards show needs. Oh, how the Awards Show could be spiced up. How about some fucking aphrodisiacs on the table? Raw oysters on the half-shell. Asparagus. Camembert cheese and truffles. CHOCOLATE! Fire artists like Jada Fire, no not THAT Jada Fire. My friend Jada Fire: http://www.jadafire.com. Strippers with kick ass bods. Hardcore in the film clips. Quasi-Cirque du Soleil acts that go beyond Zumanity. And bring in more girls to fill the front rows. Next year, I hope to bring in a couple of girls with me, like Misty May, whom I adore. God this thing was tame. I enjoyed myself. But I thought I was at an awards banquet for hockey players again. All we were missing were the parents, and girls drinking Shirley Temples. This is about fucking. So where's the sex? Where's the meet on the bone? And why aren't the waitresses sexed up like the ones on the casino floor? KN
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#139110 - 02/05/06 01:39 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 12/06/04
Posts: 82
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Quote:
Thanks. And that's "NOX", without a "K", as in Equinox, and the Roman Goddess of the Night. ;-)
Equinox, and the Roman Goddess of the Night?!??
Does the phrase "Too hip for the room" mean anything to you?
Although I'm impressed. 
--t
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#139111 - 02/05/06 01:44 PM
Re: 10 Reasons Why AVN AWARDS SUCKED!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
This kills me. This is the faggot who is debating religion with Luke Ford through the avnblog. Its hilarious. He's read some hedonistic tome in the past two weeks that swelled his chest with a sense of self worth he hasn't felt his entire life.
Lord Master Damien, indeed.
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