This is a detailed account by Mrs MLyons about her & the hubby's first trip to a strip club in Las Vegas. It is verbose to the point of pointlessness. One thing that strikes me though, is how much the Mrs's writing style resembles that of the Mr. One wonders and fears what sort of chromosonal catastrophe will yeild from the loins of the Demonic Duo. But let's not let that spoil our fun. So without any further ado.....

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Our First Strip Club Experience
My wonderful husband, Mike, and I went to Vegas this week on part of our vacation. We wanted to go to the Favorite Brands International Marshmallow Factory, but as it turns out the factory has been closed. So to make up for missing what was once a cool tour, we decided to go to a strip club.

Neither my husband or I had been to a strip club before; I had been intrigued about it, but also very confused about how it all worked, and why people would spend so much money there.

I had always wondered, from what I have seen in movies or on TV, what people see in this form of entertainment? Realizing that I was ignorant, having never experienced it myself, I thought it was very impersonal and that those who went there were pulling the wool over their eyes, actively deceiving themselves into thinking that these girls are attracted to them, and not just doing their jobs.

We walked into the building, (Cheetah’s at around 12:30-4:30 on Friday 11-21-03) and what hit me first was the utter darkness. I work in theatre, so I know all about working in the dark, but this was dark. After a few seconds we could barely see a couple chairs off to the side, so we went and had a seat. As our eyes began to adjust a frickin’ hot cocktail waitress came by to get our drink order, she was in a nice low waisted bikini, barely covering the good bits, with long messy blond hair, she was very pretty and very nice. We ordered our two cokes ($7) asked her for some change in the form of one-dollar bills, and sat back and watched. Now we are intelligent people, so we were watching the girls dance from the side of the room, there was one man sitting at the stage, so the two of us put our mind to what we were seeing, and discussed what we thought of what we were seeing. Watching this man sitting there stiff backed, watching one girl after another come up to do her two dances (the first in a bikini, or clothed top and bottom of some sort, and the second with her top off) with a seemingly endless supply of folded dollar bills. The girls would do their dances them crawl over to him, dangle their breasts over his face, or draping their legs around his head and gyrating their crotch oh so close to his mouth. Then removing themselves from his body, rolling onto their side and lifting up the strap of her g-string so that he could place his nicely folded dollar bill on her thigh.

Every once and a while another guy would walk up to the girl at the stage, so she would crawl over to him and place his face in her cleavage, then offer her strap for the dollar, he would gently place it then walk away, back to the bar or whatever part of the darkness he had come from.

At one point I looked at Mike and noticed right behind him was a guy getting a lap dance. The girl, who we had watched dance a few minutes before and was very attractive to Mike, had her back to the guy and was gyrating her hips just above his Hun-Hun, and the guy was watching her hips move with a very big smile on his face, however the girl had a very disinterested look on her face. This was intriguing to me. And I jumped all over it with questions for Mike. “Seeing that she is bored or disconnected, does that make you less aroused? What do you think seeing them interacting with the other guys?” I couldn’t see why men would come here and spend hundreds of dollars, clearly the women weren’t attracted to the men they were paying attention to, so what was the excitement?

Now watching all this for about a half an hour or longer I must have driven my husband crazy asking him questions about the girls wardrobe, asking him if it was turning him on, giggling at the looks of boredom on the girls faces as she swept her breasts on these guys faces. We decided that the side view wasn’t the best so we asked our cocktail waitress where her section stopped and moved more front and center so that we could get a better look.

For me this was more of the same. It seemed a few girls were strictly dancers, who didn’t touch the men at all, where some girls were strictly there to get the guys to give them their tips, there were a few who were a mixture of each. The girls in general seemed to be getting more into it, or were better later in the day, of course there were some exceptions, one girl just walked back and forth (I don’t think she could dance) between the poles then get down on her hands an knees and rub the men’s faces with her breasts, or show them her crotch. Mike thought she had a great body, so he didn’t see anything wrong with her performance. Now don’t misunderstand me, many of these girls really did it for me, they were very sexy and a few even turned me on a bit (I am bi-curious). I looked around the room a lot to see how the other men were enjoying themselves, and I found many overweight, unattractive men with girls curled up in their laps, which is what I expected to find. But to my surprise there was a few VERY attractive young men sitting at the stage, and around the room. I am sure ruining Mike’s time I pointed this out and we discussed that there had to be something to it, or these men who could clearly get a girl if they wanted to wouldn’t be here at all. It would just be left to the men unfortunate enough not to be attractive to the general population of women.

We had to have watched for a couple hours from this point of view, Mike looked at me (always concerned about my feelings) and asked if we should go up to the stage and experience it from there. We split up the ones we had left over from the few rounds of drinks we purchased, and moved to the front and center part of the stage. I offered for Mike to go on his own, thinking that the girls would be more responsive if his wife wasn’t sitting next to him. He refused, saying that if he were going to experience it, he would only do so if I were sitting next to him.

So the two of us moved up on a switch between girls. The first girl was very pretty, and very sweet. She crawled over to us and immediately said “Hi guys.” Not realizing that I was female. Now I had my hair down, which is pretty long, and I have very large breasts, but to her defense I was wearing a large flannel shirt. All the girls seemed a little surprised to see me, and I think they just naturally assume that everyone sitting at the stage would be a man. Anyway she was frickin’ hot. She gave me a lot of attention, asked me to sit forward, placed her hands on my shoulders and slowly swept her breasts across my face. Now let me tell you, as a girl I have no concept of myself, as other people perceive me, or feel me. I have no concept that I am any different, texture wise, feeling than my husband. Having said this let me tell you my first reaction to the breast on my face. GIRLS ARE SOFT!!! Boy howdy that really did it for me. She was really soft, gentle, sweet, and she had some scent on that drove me wild. She paid my ear a little attention, which always drives me crazy, then she offered me her strap, where I fumbled for a dollar bill and barely got it in the strap, she had me so flustered. She then asked me if she could do the same to Mike, and I stammered yes, of course. And she moved on to him.

I of course realize that I just described the exact circumstance that I was giggling at a few paragraphs up. So I was instantly transformed into a strip club junkie, and could understand why all those men were sitting in that room giving the beautiful girls their one-dollar bills.

After she had worked the dollar bill from my husbands clutches (I notice it wasn’t that hard for her to get it out of his grip, maybe I should try some of her techniques :P) and had moved along to the next man down I leaned over to Mike and said, with a little ah in my voice, “Girls are soft and smell good!” He smiled at me and laughed saying, “Now you understand what I mean when I say you are soft.” I love that man!!

I realized during the time we were at the stage, and my stiff-backed reaction to the girls touching me that it was all out of respect. The men were respectful of the girls, as was I, and there desire not to be touched. Each girl crawled up to me did some nice moving then told me how to sit, “Lean forward,” or “Put your head down.” They told us what they wanted us to do, and we did it, keeping our hands to ourselves.

We watched at least a dozen girls from that point of view, (A girl named Shy bit the back of my neck. DAMN!!! Another named Bailey, I think, she was really sexy) and were both very sad when we realized that we were out of money. We had given each girl at least $4 between us, and had had a wonderful time. We were sad when the girl that we moved away from the stage came up, because she was hot, but we had a budget and we needed to leave to go see the family show The Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur hotel. So we watched from the dark, and both wished that we could have had her rub her breasts on us, but we didn’t want to be rude due to our lack of money.

We reluctantly left the club and both of us could think of nothing but what we had just experienced. I am sure we shocked many a person with our conversation on our walk to our show, and tried to be respectful of the children around us once we got there. The next day we left Vegas and as we passed by the club (seen from the freeway) I know I was thinking of pulling off, and I think Mike was probably with me.

I don’t know if I answered any of the questions, that I walked into the club with, but I do know that I will be going again as soon as we get the chance to drive through Vegas.

Copyright © 2003 Mrs. MLyons. All Rights Reserved.

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Bullshit ,that piece was written by none other than mlyons .No one and I mean no one else writes such boring crap not to mention that no women in the right mind would want to be caught dead with this loser .
Good god man give it a rest already and start you career as a jizz mopper at your local peep shop .

That story sucked. She wrote an entire paragrpah explaining why a stipprer said "hi guys". Fucking nuts.

This shit reads like a ship manifest...only less interesting.

What a weird post. It's like she is completely detached from herself and was watching her life from the outside. Blech.

I wonder if Ms.Lyonz is bi. If so, do you think they're this analytical when sharing the bed with some hoochie? I could only imagine the coversation.

It probably would go something like this:

MLyons: " In order to really examine lighting as an aesthetic element in porn, or any other form of audio-visual presentation, we have to understand what light can and can't do in that framework--or what functions it serves. Within the context of video and film, it is especially important to understand that ultimately, we are watching what is put before us on a television screen. That image is created through a sequence of many complex processes. Elements of costuming, makeup, setting and yes, lighting, are incorporated into a scene that will be presented not to us directly, but to a camera that will ultimately translate that image to us via a television screen. The video camera and the film camera do not react the same way to these elements as our eyes do. It is the job of a videographer or cinematographer to understand how the camera will translate the scene placed before it, and what needs to be done to ensure that the final image is what they intend it to be... "

Mrs MLyons: "...yes, but part of what makes video so much easier to produce than film is that this translation from live scene to television image can take place immediately, and adjustments can be made in real time, as necessary, with minimal wasted time and resources. Film is another story, as in order to see its image, it needs to be processed first--an expensive and relatively time consuming process that leaves very little room for errors in judgment about lighting or any other scenographic element. What's more, there are a great many different types camera filters and film stocks, different methods of exposure, and different post production techniques (both for film and video) that can dramatically effect the final image presented to us in our living room. All these things combined can make isolating the relatively small impact that lighting has on a production fairly difficult. "

Whore: "Well, I am of the opinion that this is where it's important to define exactly what functions lighting can serve, and what qualities it has that can be manipulated to serve those functions. Although the video and film camera are the "eyes" that translate these images for us, I will base the following discussion on the ultimate camera--our eyes in conjunction with our brains. The principles presented will still hold true for the camera, but we must realize that how the camera translates what it sees is subject to a fair number of selectable criteria, which for now are beyond the scope of this discussion."

etc...