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#102526 - 05/23/05 04:18 PM
Who are the people in your neighborhood....cage
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote from the Genesis Skye No-show thread: Quote:
I don't think it should so much matter what goes on in our personal lives. You guys don't come on here and start talking about your lives...
See, now leave it to Gen, May 2005's Monkey Cage Ms AMORAL WHORE-OF-THE-MONTH to accidentally/indirectly come up with a good idea. I like this thought....I want to know my cage neighbors. Let me share first:
Yesterday, May 22, 2005, I was visiting the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield Massachusetts, viewing a Magic Johnson/Larry Bird exhibit, when a totally HOT chick standing 6 feet away actually let a fart rip that all within 20 feet had to hear. I immediately became aroused and wheeled my crippled ass into the BB Hall of Fame restroom and worked one out.
Saturday, May 21: While visiting mine and Jamesn alma mater, trying to wheel my chair around Harvard Yard and the "sidewalks" of Cambridge, I was approached by a probably-homeless stranger wearing a Redwings' jersey, who asked me....."have you seen marty?"......
....more to follow from what is going on in my personal life...someone else share now......
_________________________
Are you gonna eat that?
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#102527 - 05/23/05 04:35 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cage
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Gay For Pay
Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 959
Loc: The Outer Labia of Jenna Haze
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I was totally smashed at IVAR last friday night for a party, and it was bizarre being the tallest person in the club since everyone else appeared to be asian. Anyone else ever experience what im about to ask? Evidently i was so drunk but yet my brain was functioning properly, i could formulate thoughts, but yet when approaching girls they all had to mysteriously go to the bathroom, or they became married. I think my brain was working yet my motor skills werent. In any case i did see some snatch that night in the limo since we had this major ho bag passout and spread the legs. I do remember that so i couldnt have been that drunk.
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jrv im going to fucking kill you and 3 of your family members-SM
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#102528 - 05/23/05 05:16 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cage
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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I feel like jerking off to the idea of da burglar as a cripple. Sadly this doesn't even rank in the top 5 most fucked up things ive posted here.
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“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#102529 - 05/23/05 07:00 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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burglar--check luke today, i'm convinced gram ponante is the porno version of george o'leary(the guy who was supposed to coach Notre Dame but his resume said he invented fish and could fly). i sent luke an email, which he of course stuck up without asking, because this guy claimed to have transferred into harvard, then williams, then emerson, then still managed to get into columbia. last i checked, you get about one chance to move laterally or up and after a certain point schools like williams would laugh in your face and tell you you need x-years to be considered. not to mention williams is probably a better school than harvard and can take like 2 kids/year who can do some amazing, specialized task like shooting a basketball or cold fusion using a hotdog.
did the guy marty say his name like "maaahty"?, people with boston accents rule!
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#102531 - 05/23/05 07:49 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
not women with Boston Accents 
Well, there was the kelli richards in the 80's (I think) that always wanted to be fucked "haahhda". Then again she wasn't all that hot.
I wasted three hours of my life today on Southern women. One who will be a business woman (for however brief a period) who spent our preconstruction meeting period telling me who she was related or married to, and why that was going to make her business a success. Sorry but even down here at some point people expect you to deliver the goods.
The next two hours were wasted with a brilliant woman who allowed herself to be worked up by the maintenance man who works for her company. My company is doing some work for theirs. The maintenance guy overheard a discussion between a building inspector throwing her weight around with one of my employees and before I could perform an intervention the owner of the client company (who is also a friend of mine) is calling me from a continent away asking me if all his employees are going to be thrown out of their new building because when you test the fire alarm the monitoring company dispatches firetrucks to a nonexistent address 20 miles from the site. The brilliant woman was the company controller, not the building inspector.
That's all more boring than standing up a porn production crew, farting in a museum or being published willy-nilly by Luke Ford but hey, some men lead lives of quiet desperation.
This time next week I will be 60 miles offshore surrounded by the blue waters of the Gulfstream and the internet and museum farts just won't come into play.
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#102533 - 05/23/05 09:09 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cage
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Sex Slave Trader
Registered: 01/12/05
Posts: 1342
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My day:
I woke up at about 11:30am, drank a protein shake, ate a pear and watched some MSNBC for about a forty five minutes.
Then I went to the office, which is a staircase and about 40 feet away from my couch. I did some work, then posted here. Did some more work, then posted again.
Around 5:00pm I ran some errands at Target, then went to Pier One where some throw pillows I ordered to accent my guest bedroom had arrived the previous day. I'm happy.
After that I went straight to see my personal trainer. Yes, I'm gay and I have a personal trainer. And yes, he's a lot like Garfield, only a bit older and with less hair -- probably due to the steroids. The drive from my home in Fountain Hills to Scottsdale was quite tedious during rush hour. I should really schedule my sessions for earlier.
The best part about the trainer is that afterwards I get a muscle soothing rub down (massage for the non-gay) from a foxy chick. The only bad part is she's the girlfriend of a good friend of mine. Bummer.
After that I stopped by Best Buy and bought Team America and a wireless mouse, then went and got some California rolls from Basha's, a supermarket in Arizona.
Then I came home. I ate, then checked the computer. Now I'm typing this.
This is a typical day in the life of Random P. Winterbottom. The only difference is if I meet up with friends during the day or at night.
_________________________
"Bornyo sleeps under a bearskin that he killed and skinned when he was 5. He just stared the thing dead with mind bullets." - Floofin
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#102534 - 05/23/05 09:18 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
Not if you tell us the chicks had big tits
She did have big, nice tits, but again- at some point she will still be expected to deliver the goods. Personally I don't give a rats ass because she won't be allowed to open her doors until I'm paid in full but still, I don't really care who her "fatha" and "mothah" are, and could have much better spent my time at a museum or something. (Or something more likely).
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#102535 - 05/23/05 10:42 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
burglar--check luke today, i'm convinced gram ponante is the porno version of george o'leary(the guy who was supposed to coach Notre Dame but his resume said he invented fish and could fly). i sent luke an email, which he of course stuck up without asking, because this guy claimed to have transferred into harvard, then williams, then emerson, then still managed to get into columbia. last i checked, you get about one chance to move laterally or up and after a certain point schools like williams would laugh in your face and tell you you need x-years to be considered. not to mention williams is probably a better school than harvard and can take like 2 kids/year who can do some amazing, specialized task like shooting a basketball or cold fusion using a hotdog.
did the guy marty say his name like "maaahty"?, people with boston accents rule!
Actually Marty sounded a little Canadian, like a vagrant that fell down every 11 feet all the way from Montreal...
Transferring laterally is easier and more innocuous on a resume if your under 45 and are single.....or gay/transgendered...its easier to explain lateral moves ("well school x had better food" or "the sexual harrasment policy at University Y didnt fit my life-needs...."), but you're right James, transferring UP is a pretty rare opportunity. Today's Workplace is a little different....back in the 90's it was hip to work for tech companies for 8 months MAX then jump around the Bay to the next new company with a MICROWAVEABLY HOT marketing idea/IPO....now if you dont stay someplace for at least 3-5 years, people assume you are an antisocial, unstable, sexually harassing manic depressive.
Anyhow, back to the real life events.....YES, it can be told (and monkey can jerk off if he wants...its his cage) I Da Burglar am crippled (not "Handicapped" or "Handicapable", not physically-fucking-challenged, not Differently abled)....Crippled -- straight out of South Park "Timmmmmmayy" I use a wheelchair to get around. And James, the hardest part for me about Harvard was NOT the academics it was getting around a 355 year old campus and city in a wheelchair. The brick sidewalks were killers, particularly in winter and especially on mornings when I was hungover, bouncing around in my wheelchair trying to get to Broadway Liquors for Bloody Mary Mix.
So, back to the case of the hot chick who farted in my face in the Basket ball hall of fame: basically, I get that a lot wheeling at ASS level around in public. It sucks, people in America smell and eat too much Legumes and Cheez Whiz....
I am outing myself and will now be starting Threads with themes related to Crippled People Having Sex and what that should mean to the pornography industry. It is a HUGELY unexploited market...there are anywhere from 25-35 million, non-senior citizen, disabled, sexually frustrated people in America. Porn is an outlet for them, as well as other non-disabled perverts, but porn needs to come down even further into the gut-wrenching reality of physically fucked up people trying to.....um....fuck. Pariah has heard a few of my ideas/nightmares....many more to follow.
_________________________
Are you gonna eat that?
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#102536 - 05/23/05 11:23 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Demon Spawn
Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 3178
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Quote:
Anyhow, back to the real life events.....YES, it can be told (and monkey can jerk off if he wants...its his cage) I Da Burglar am crippled (not "Handicapped" or "Handicapable", not physically-fucking-challenged, not Differently abled)....Crippled -- straight out of South Park "Timmmmmmayy" I use a wheelchair to get around.
What are your views on concentration camps for the differently abled? Ever since Jamesn posted this idea I have thought it more and more a viable solution to many of life's problems. "Care" of the disabled could be implemented faster and more efficiently having them all in a centralized area. Yes that's right, a mega internment facility for the disabled. Security could be quite minimal due to any resistance easily being quelled. Mind you the crippled could not do any hard labor work but instead would be organized into two central camps. One camp of academia for people like Da Burglar, they would process information, catalog it and would R&D new technologies under gunpoint. The second camp would be subjects of medical testing, “volunteers†you might call them.
Disabled people are a downer for anyone around to see, their chairs are difficult to accommodate and are annoying to navigate around. Removing them from society would eliminate the need for fat inducing elevators and the money wasted on wheelchair ramps could be diverted to funding the extermination of the homeless. Just a couple of thoughts, how about you?
Edited by ChickenMaster (05/23/05 11:23 PM)
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#102537 - 05/23/05 11:39 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
Quote:
Anyhow, back to the real life events.....YES, it can be told (and monkey can jerk off if he wants...its his cage) I Da Burglar am crippled (not "Handicapped" or "Handicapable", not physically-fucking-challenged, not Differently abled)....Crippled -- straight out of South Park "Timmmmmmayy" I use a wheelchair to get around.
What are your views on concentration camps for the differently abled? Ever since Jamesn posted this idea I have thought it more and more a viable solution to many of life's problems. "Care" of the disabled could be implemented faster and more efficiently having them all in a centralized area. Yes that's right, a mega internment facility for the disabled. Security could be quite minimal due to any resistance easily being quelled. Mind you the crippled could not do any hard labor work but instead would be organized into two central camps. One camp of academia for people like Da Burglar, they would process information, catalog it and would R&D new technologies under gunpoint. The second camp would be subjects of medical testing, “volunteers†you might call them.
Disabled people are a downer for anyone around to see, their chairs are difficult to accommodate and are annoying to navigate around. Removing them from society would eliminate the need for fat inducing elevators and the money wasted on wheelchair ramps could be diverted to funding the extermination of the homeless. Just a couple of thoughts, how about you?
Yesssss....!!!!!!! Another thread taking an Obtuse-vector direction change.
I am all for herding up those that can in fact be herded up cuz they are too defenseless and clueless: cripples, Alzheimers, and passive transvestites with Downs Syndrome, and putting them in a partitioned section of a rectangular state like Wyoming. There, in the Heart of Wyoming, they could serve as Targets for Nostalgic modern day cowboys sporting vintage 1873 Winchesters, as well as ample food supply for Coyotes, Wolves, Mountain Lions and the occasional psychopathic prairie dog with cutlery. You could also hold special olympics events 24/7 where NO Gatorade or fluids are served. I would be the exception, because I am not helpless -- I have upper body strength from years of pushing a wheelchair around, resulting in my own superspin punch that is totally tuff --
I think I just got a couple more great meatholes ideas for Pariah......a horny crippled amputee fuck banging a porn whore at gunpoint: "You like my stump BABY, you like that WHORE?! Aren't you glad I went back for that second tour of duty you bitch!"
_________________________
Are you gonna eat that?
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#102538 - 05/23/05 11:49 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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I feel so fucked up now, i like da B , when i made the comments about jenna fan i didn't care cause to me seeing him get hit by a train would be funny. Im torn. I have an idea, burglar are you up for the idea of a battle to the death with jenna fan and that way i can work out which way to lean. Just brain storming.
_________________________
“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#102539 - 05/24/05 12:15 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Demon Spawn
Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 3178
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Quote:
There, in the Heart of Wyoming, they could serve as Targets for Nostalgic modern day cowboys sporting vintage 1873 Winchesters, as well as ample food supply for Coyotes, Wolves, Mountain Lions and the occasional psychopathic prairie dog with cutlery.
You'd have to get Monstar to dress them up in traditional native regalia with a hint of concealer.
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#102540 - 05/24/05 01:10 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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my vision can allow for exceptions for people i like. the trannies will be facedown in a ditch as monsters like them should be , but i could arrange for a bunch of pygmies to carry you around in litter like roman or chinese noblery, would that be agreeable? hitting them with bamboo canes or whipping them would be encouraged and hilarious.
damn you for not being 15 during the tech-bubble.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#102541 - 05/24/05 07:23 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
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I’m on the road again so I leave my hotel room about 7:00 am and get on the elevator to go to the lobby. I’m staying on the 18th floor the elevator stops at the 17th a European guy gets on the elevator and we continue down. I say European most probably German because he is white, nearly 50, about 6’5â€, and has big fat hairy gut reminiscent of smartt. I know this because he is clad in only a Speedo and towel over his shoulder. As we go further down we gain more and more people and he inches closer and closer to me. Until we are nearly face to face (more like chest to face) and I decide to ease the awkward feeling by starting a conversation. I say “Günter in the US it is considered unacceptable for a man to wear a Speedo.†He said, “How did you know my name was Günter?†“Lucky guess.†I replied, “Do you think you could point that thing in another direction?â€
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#102543 - 05/24/05 08:47 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 3899
Loc: CO Springs
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I just ordered a swamp cooler for my sweltering goddamn airconditionless house, and some Liszt piano arrangements of various operas for my Dad's 6/1 birthday. I also got him a book about the history of the number 'e'.
I changed my dogs' brand of food last week, and they are shitting 600% more than usual. Combined with the explosion of growth in the lawn due to Spring, this makes picking up after them goddamned infuriating.
I'm working on a deadline at work for a new account in Arkansas. It's like trying to teach Beethoven to a chimpanzee. I used to hate southern stereotypes regarding intelligence, because I grew up in TX. then I had to go to MS one day, and I understood everything.
My mom may have to have a valve replacement in her heart next month. She just got a dog.
I've been buying and watching the A&E episodes of Rex stout's Nero Wolfe, directed and starred in by Timothy Hutton. Oddly enough I'm enjoying them.
I am not on speaking terms with my girlfriend. My cig smoking is none of her goddamn business, and I will choose them over her. She won't shave her cunt anyway.
There, I'm shallow, and boring.
I'm rereading The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy before I see the new movie.
_________________________
you mean my days having fun while being fundamentally superior to you? - Jamesn
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#102545 - 05/24/05 08:58 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 3899
Loc: CO Springs
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My momma is dead.
_________________________
you mean my days having fun while being fundamentally superior to you? - Jamesn
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#102546 - 05/24/05 09:15 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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much worse than that, they don't do the whole reproduction thing with a placenta and normal gestation period. soph. year we lived down the hall from this asian guy. pretty nice guy, had an asian girlfriend from california who shows up for a week. then her friend drops by, ends up sleeping there and the thousands of eggs hatch. most of the young are of course eaten by birds, cats, and other predators but a large number still survive using this strategy.
so there kept being more asians living in the room, speaking mandarin chinese, buying stuff at asian grocery stores in porter square then cooking them in the microwave with aluminum-foil still on.
it took them 2 weeks to start cracking down on the children by yelling at them to work harder or no thresher-shark tail for dinner.
it was a full-blown sweatshop in a month, but they bribed us with the shiny new nike sneakers they were cranking out.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#102550 - 05/25/05 03:46 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 703
Loc: blue state.....red county...
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I will try this.....
I will be on a long 2.5 month vacation starting in 2 weeks...because I bought a new car a month ago, it would be nice to have a job for the summer for some extra money...unfortunately I can't find even the most menial job outside of retail (which I refuse to work)...one guy called me in for an interview and honestly told me that I was way overqualified for what I am applying to do....he doubts that I will stay long and won't be worth the hassle of training me.....I guess I couldn't convince him otherwise cause I never got a call back......for the first time in my life I have actually filled out applications for jobs that I havn't gotten......
and with nothing constructive to do this summer outside of cheerleading practice....I will become a bar rat or a couch drunk.
_________________________
Proud to live in a Blue State!
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#102552 - 05/25/05 10:24 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
I will try this.....
snip
....I will become a bar rat or a couch drunk.
xxxbit, I have some friends who are teachers and they go through the same thing each summer. Try a temporary service- they should be able to place you easily. There are a lot of working women who need to be off of work when their kids are out of school. Most companies (especially in those "blue states") would love to have a lucid, literate and responsible double minority answering the telephone or sitting at their front or customer service desk. Also, law offices are always looking for runners/couriers who can navigate their way through the courthouse metal detectors.
For my next neighborhood/cage installment I'd like to say that I pulled my boat out of storage and was prepping it for a weeklong fishing trip next week and discovered that someone used the head last fall and didn't tell me about it. I have a holding tank. For those that don't know, on a boat a "head" is the toilet.
I'm getting a new head tomorrow.
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#102553 - 05/26/05 08:16 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 3899
Loc: CO Springs
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Of course you could still use the extra money from a second job, but out of curiosity, do you get paid year round with your salary spread thin, or just during the months school is in session?
I know it's done both ways around the country, but I don't know which is more common. Do you have a choice as to which way you prefer?
_________________________
you mean my days having fun while being fundamentally superior to you? - Jamesn
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#102554 - 05/26/05 05:43 PM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 703
Loc: blue state.....red county...
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I have a choice and I choose to get paid all year...most summers I was either working part time, teaching summer school, or working on my graduate degree...
more and more it seems like districts are forcing teachers to get paid all year....they make more money with the interest that accumlates...
_________________________
Proud to live in a Blue State!
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#102555 - 05/27/05 11:24 AM
Re: Who are the people in your neighborhood....cag
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 3899
Loc: CO Springs
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Yep, tis true. I'd bet you could make a pretty penny selling nipple licks(one per customer, of course).
I'll test for quality control. There should be something like a 6 month period of testing, to be sure to offer the best product you can. I'll do this for half my usual fee . . . . which comes to nothing.
_________________________
you mean my days having fun while being fundamentally superior to you? - Jamesn
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