Ok, so I may have used up my "!" allotment, but I'm desperate to get into the porn industry as a creative writer (something I wonder at times whether the porn industry even has). I was designed for two things in life: writing, and porn. Heck, my nickname is PORNO for Chris' sake! Does anyone know where someone with my size of...pencil can get into the porn industry? I'm not cut out to be in front of the camera, but behind the camera I have been told I am a MONSTER (not bragging, just what has been told to me). I'm begging for help, I'm on my knees! No (wrong forum to be on my knees)! Can someone help me with this...puh-LEEZE?!?! HIRE ME DAMMIT!!!!

There's no such thing as a porn writer. Do you even listen to the dialogue in porn? The director writes the story in the car on the way over to the shoot.

I have to agree with Zen. There is no such thing. 8 years of college down the drain

After experiencing the high-caliber of rhetoric demonstrated in your post, I'm inclined to think that you are very well suited for such a career.

You may also want to consider such popular pornographic positions as Dialogue Coach, 1st-chair Bassoonist, and "on all fours with your ass in the air".

I hear that George Lucas is looking for a fluffer. Perhaps you can give him a call?