10 Questions with Da Burglar -- Ceara Lynch Edition

1) No bullshitting here Ceara...What are your current plans and ambitions with respect to the Porn Industry? There is a backlog of Perverts, and Jacker-Offers in general, who have been awaiting word on just what the hell you are, or are NOT, going to do on Film....what say you?


I'm still shocked and confused at the amount of attention I've got just for being some chick into porn. Or why anyone cares at all whether I decide to be a dirty cum sponge or not. I know some people don't. And that's fine, I don't blame them. Its not like there's a shortage of whores out there. I just have this weird fixation with porn. Not because it turns me on, because porn stopped doing that about 3 months into working at a smut shop 40 hours a week. I love porn that makes me laugh or shows me something Ive never seen before. I find a lot of entertainment in watching a girl use her body like a cum guzzling meat puppet. And yeah, Im usually watching it with a
burning curiosity of what it must be like to be a performer. But I've been keeping a safe distance from it and have remained fairly content in my naive conception about what it's really like to DP on film. Part of me thinks that if I go any further than I have I'm going to wonder pretty quickly why I was so attracted to it in the first place. The other part of me is a dirty uninhibited attention whore dying to exploit my orifices for all theyre worth.

I dont know. I dont really match the profile of your typical porn whore; parents have always loved and supported me, happy childhood, no history of molestation, ability to maintain lasting and monogamous relationships. I guess all I can really say is don't hold your breath. I probably wont ever fuck on film (for money anyway), but I cant get myself to say never. I know if I ever do Ill probably find myself calling Jeff Steward, crying whilst confessing that my soul is broken and Im ready to work for him.

2) Moral/Personal Dilemma's ..... What do you consider more gross/wrong/offensive given the following scenarios (feel free to explain your choices):

A guy eating his own cum or a guy picking his nose and eating it?

I think it would be extremely entertaining to watch a guy eat his own men.

A "Lesbian Piss Bukkake", or A "Recently Paroled/Soon To Be Incarcerated Sex Crimina(s)l Cum-on-a-young-slut Bukkake"?

I really hope nothing happens to American Bukkake because I dont know if I can live in a world with no access to video footage of ladies swallowing obscene amounts of jizz via beer bong. This is the sort of thing I try and entertain my friends with when they come visit me.

Donkey Punching or Swirlies?

Does anyone really jack off to this? I mean besides Tony Malice. I get the impression JM released it just to reaffirm their status as the most offensive and corrupt production company in the industry. Good for them!!

Going Down on a Girl with an Unshaved Box, or having a Guy go down on you when he is Unshaven and Has Major Stubble?

Uhhh I have a pretty big moral dilemma in regards to going down on any kind of box.

Stealing from Homeless people or Females Faking Orgasms and/or Squirting?

Im okay with fake squirting. Whether its cum or piss its still a gushing fluid coming out of some sluts cunt as shes screaming in apparent ecstasy. Thats pretty fucked up and doesnt make a lot of sense to me but I still find it fascinating to watch.

Scat or Snuff?

I dont know why but for some reason Im always eating Mexican Food when I watch scat. I can eat a whole burrito while watching a steamy hot carl and not think twice about it. I dont think I could stomach a snuff film though.


3) Rank in order of importance (1 being the most
important, 2 the next most, etc) the qualities you
find MOST important in a man as a potential
mate/partner:

Looks: 3
Intelligence: 3
Foot Massage Ability: 4
Dick Size: 4
Sense of Humor: 4
Ability to Give Oral Sex to a Woman: 1
Love for his Mother: 1
Concern for the Environment: 7
Cooking Ability: 3
Money/Financial Situation: 3
How nice a car or wheelchair he drives: 10

4a) What was the LAST Porn Scene you watched? Who was in it? Did you Masturbate, and did you achieve orgasm?

It was Max hardcore video but I dont remember which one. Im pretty sure I wasnt masturbating.



4b) List three things, that you believe you do better than Ashley Blue:

1. Speaking Japanese
2. Maintaining a shitty minimum wage job
3. Driving

5). Since you have not made any porn video's yet Ceara, we will all have to use our "imagination"....so, when you masturbate, what typically is your prefered method of doing so? Is it with or without toys? Describe how you actually do it....and what you typically think about to make yourself cum.

The first time I came was with a vibrator so Ive been using them ever since. I can get myself off
pretty quickly by hand but by vibe I can get off as many times as I want sequentially. Ever since I learned how quick and easy it was I started getting off a bazillion times a day. I have over a dozen different toys but the one Ive used the most is my Hitachi magic wand. It broke recently and its been pretty hard to get by. I had it for 4 years and but I think theyre suppose to last like 10. The batteries keep fucking dying in all my other ones. As far as what I think about to get off I dont know. Brad Pitt?

6) General Info about Ceara:

Favorite MUSIC BAND: I dont listen to music

Favorite Amusement Park Ride: Yo-yo

Men's Fragrance: givenchy

Sports Team: I dont like sports

Holiday: My family raised me a Jehovah witness for most of my childhood so I grew up not celebrating holidays. Dont you feel sorry for me? I would have to say Halloween. Ive always wanted to go trick or treating.

City: Sapporo

Sexual Position: pile driver

Spitting or Swallowing: vomiting

Size of Cock: 8 feet

Drink or Brand of Beer: Guinness

Porn Performer (Male AND Female): Ashley blue and Peter North

7) If there was a planetary catastrophe, Ceara, and you literally found yourself alone with one other MALE person as the only survivors, you would find yourself in that often contemplated scenario of having to fuck the last man on earth. All the times you slammed losers and perverts with the insult "I would not fuck you even if you were the last man on earth" now come back to haunt you. If the last man on earth was any one of the following, rank in order of likelihood you actually fucking that individual (1 being Most likely, 2 the second most likely, etc etc...)

Rob Longshot: 10

The Fattest of the oompa loompas from Willy Wonka: 10

Ron Jeremy: 3 (but only through a glory hole)

A crippled homeless Gulf War veteran: 10

Billy Ray Cyrus: 10

*It doesnt matter, I would Kill whoever the man was and make a Dildo out of his Femur to fuck myself*: 1

8) I recently interviewed Missy Monroe and asked her about you, Ceara, and our friend Cassandra. Read Missy's following Comments:

"I would love to see those little sluts shoving huge dildos up my ass then me being able to tie them down and torture them with pleasure... I would make sure they would never leave (porn)... "

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 highest), how much does this statement from Missy turn you on? Is there any other object(s) besides a dildo that you would like to observe inside Missy's ass?
List Objects......

<33 MISSY MONROE <33 I fucking love that whore. Dont get confused though, Im not into girls. I love female porn stars because I want to be them not because I want to fuck them. Although Im not totally against being gay for pay, or sticking things in Missys butt. If given the opportunity to fill her ass Id insert a double-ended dildo, anal beads, 3 golf balls, a stethoscope, a shot of whiskey, Bridget the midget, and 83 cents.

9a) Have you ever had sex in public before? If so Describe the occurrence.

I dont really have a good public sex story. Ive had sex in the back of cars in public places but no one cares about that. My boyfriend and I almost did it in the park today, it was his idea but he was too scared about getting caught and we just ended up arguing over where people would least likely see us. I guess you cant be a paranoid exhibitionist.

9b) Have you ever had sex with a Girl? How old were you and what was it like?

Ugh.

9c) Assuming for a moment you are a Porn Star, place a "X" next to each of the following acts to signify what you can and will do on film:

Anal (with Gape): x

Ass To Mouth: x

Ass To Other Slut's Mouth (i.e. your mouth):

Double Penetration: x

Bukkake: x

Gokkun: x

Double Vag: x

Double Anal: x

Creampies (all types):

Cumfart Cocktails:

10) Finally Ceara, if you were to become a porn star, how would you handle the pressure to do drugs? What drugs do you do or have you done? Have you ever done Methamphetamine, and had sex while on Methamphetamine?

Oh god. Faces of meth scare me so much I dont know how anyone can use it let alone abuse it L Im a stoner thats it. We all know weed isnt even a drug.


"Stick it up Da Burglar's Ass" Bonus Question: Ask me anything you want, I must answer your question:

Ceara: "How big is your dick and how does it compare to how big you want it to be?"

Answer: It's huge...I mean its a real issue for me; most people assume I am single because I am a physical wreck and in a wheelchair, but the reality is I have a freakishly large sex organ. Women are fine with me right up until the moment I become 1/3 erect and my cock starts to poke out of the bottom of my pant leg (usually the Left Leg, even though I am right handed, go figure?)

In the 1988 Special Olympics in Battle Creek, Michigan, I entered the Wheelchair Jousting competition and used my dick as My lance...the other contestants were so freaked out I won easily...until the judges, who were a bunch of frustrated dykes, took away my special Plastic Green Medal on a technicality. I'd give ANYTHING to have a normal size penis...