I am actually making a Thread with direct and REAL relevance to PORN! I am giving away Pornography! I have a Moviemonster.COM Account with 312 minutes (and 47 seconds for you perverts who have your Spooge timed down to the second) that I bought a year ago back when i thought I would be doing Movie reviews for people like Fox magazine and even my own aborted website. For some reason, I hav no desire to watch porn anymore....NONE. I dont know what happened....well I do know.... Instead of the Beautiful Eroticism inherent in Holly and everything she does and stars in, instead of the intense frenetic sexually charged intelligence that exudes from Gia, and instead of the young/orgasmically Lazy yet naturally curious freshness that floats around CEARA, all I can see are the disgusting images of Splooge Porn, ala Brandon IRONS where the point isnt about sex, it is about pumping out and killing as many Sperm as possible on the faces and in the mouths of semi-attractive teenage prostitutes that Brandon Favors. It's awful <da burglar shudders> **SHUDDER**

While Holly is probably the only woman who can, and would be willing to save me from this awful mess, I need to get rid of this Moviemonster bullshit. There is NO WAY IN HELL I am going to watch 312.47 minutes of PORN, unless Holly instructed me to as part of her prescription to restore a healthy interest in Sex in me (instead of me only wanting to drink Tea with her and break down THE SUN ALSO RISES)....

I am offering this Porn Bonanza to the deserving Pervert who can do the following better than anyone else:

1) Make a Paypal Bid to Ceara's account....bidding starts at 6 bucks (my 300 plus minutes on Movie Monster is worthover 30 bucks, so Ceara had better get something approaching that much added to her account...just think guys, maybe she will let you jerk off for her while watching all this PORN I am giving away!!!)

2) You must compose either a 100 word Statement saying why Holly is indeed to most Erotic Woman in Porn, or a 2 verse poem dedicated to Holly's ridiculous sex appeal. This should be easy, I KNOW I am not the only one who thinks this highly of Holly....

3) You must identify and describe and review your favorite Gia Jordan Sex scene, and I will have you know, I will weigh heavily anyone who can work into his/her review the subtle qualities that GIA brings to her scene that originate in her head. This means you may have to watch the sequence where she gets 8 or 9 loads shot into her mouth several times over to pick up on the subtle things she does with her performance to get all you whacker-offers to wreck the surge protectors under your desks. Gia should give instruction to today's lifeless porn whores on how to fuck and gobble on screen.

312 minutes of Internet Porn Bliss awaits the lucky winner of all this, but more importantly they get recognition from me, and probably from Holly, Ceara and Gia too.

Does this mean you really are dying?

Allow me express my thoughts in haiku:

No longer I say
holly is overrated
G and Miss Lynch suck.

this burgler guy seems like a real fucking douche

just as I suspected. total douche.

On top of a yellow couch covered with KY
I blew a mondo load right into Holly’s eye

She said it was rude and I had to agree
But that didn’t stop me from launching my pee

Awash in my seed and gleaming with piss
It was then that I realized how beautiful Holly is

I'm sorry it took such a repugnant display
To notice how Holly Randall can brighten a day



Since most seem to fully realize how truly pathetic this thread is, and rightly didn’t participate, I feel I’ve won hands down. Please send the minutes to Gigi and tell her I gave them to her. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll feel obligated to post cunt shots to thank me.