Magdalena
(Kaylan/Zappa)

Hey!
Ha!
Ooh!

There was a man
A little ole man
Who lived in Montreal
With a wife and a kid
And a car and a house
And a teenage daughter
With a see-thru blouse
Who loved to grunt and ball--
And her name was Magdalena

Magdalena . . .

The little ole man
Came home one night
To his house in Montreal.
He caught his daughter
In the blouse by the light
And he said to himself:
"She looks all right!"
And he reached for a tit
And grabbed it tight
And threw her up
Against the wall
(BLUE CROSS!)
Magdalena . . .

My daughter dear,
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
My daughter dear
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
I work so hard,
Don't you understand,
Making maple syrup
For the pancakes of our land.
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?

The little ole man
With the grubby little hand
Who lived in Montreal
Was drooling a bit
As he reached for her tit
And he said to himself:
"This is gonna be it!"
But the girl turned around
And said: "Go eat shit!"
And ran on down the hall.
Right on, Magdalena!

My daughter dear,
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
My daughter dear
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
I work so hard,
Don't you understand,
Making maple syrup
For the pancakes of our land.
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
(Tell 'em!)

Magdalena, don't you tease me like this
Right in the hallway with your blouse and your tits
If your mommy ever finds us like this
She'll call a lawyer, oh how mom will be pissed

DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH-WAH . . .

Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena,
daughter of the smog-filled winds of Los Angeles,
I'd like to take you in the closet and take off your little clothes
until you are virtually stark raving nude,
spread mayonaise
and kaopectate all over your body
and take you down to Hollywood Boulevard
and we can,
we can walk down the streets
by the stars that say Jon Provost and Leo G. Carroll together, baby.
We can go dancing up at the Cinegrill
can't you see it: Frank Pernell and us, until dark,
don't you understand, my baby?
I didn't mean, I didn't need, I mean . . .
it was so hard for me . . .
I just . . .
I saw you standing under the Shell pest strip late last night,
in the light,
with your little nipples protruding through your little see-thru thingie,
and I just said:
'My god, my god, I gave my sperm to this thing!'
And now I just,
oh, you got me so hard, I just,
I don't know what to do, Magdalena, don't you understand?
So I grabbed you, but,
but don't hold it against me, I mean,
your mom will never know, baby,
and I wantcha to come back to me,
I mean . . . do you understand me? I want you to . . .
I'm down on my knees to ya, Magdalena!
I wantcha ta walk back to me, baby,
I wantcha to turn around by the Sparkletts machine.
That's it! That's it!
In the little chartreuse hallway with the little neon Jesus picture on the wall,
and I want you to step, baby,
I want you to walk back in your five inch spike heels that you got at Frederick's,
same time you and your mommy got that crotchless underwear last year for Christmas,
and I want you to stroll back to me, baby
Walk back, baby, don'tcha understand me, baby?
I want you to walk back
I'm down on bended knees, baby
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I wanna take off your little training bra
Don't you understand me?
I'm gonna take off you little maroon hot pants
I'm gonna get down on my knees, baby,
dont'cha understand what I'm saying to you?
Your mom will never know,
she's playing bridge with the girls,
and you and I . . .
you and I go sucking som'thing, baby,
it's just you and I, don'tcha understand?
We can make love all night long,
nobody will ever know,
come on, Magdalena!
Please, little girl,
walk back to your daddy,
what did I do that was so wrong?
My God, I was only following the sexual impulse like I heard on the Johnny Carson Show
from a book or something I wrote,
I didn't know what I was doing
I got carried away
What can I say like . . . like . . .
walk back, baby,
come on,
oh, please, you gotta walk back, baby, walk back,
walk back to your daddy!
Come on, Magdalena, to your daddy, baby,
you gotta walk back, baby, walk back,
walk back, baby, walk back,
your mom will never know,
your mom will never know,
walk back, baby, walk back,
walk back, baby, walk back,
Magdalena, come back,
come back to you daddy,
walk back, baby,
walk back, baby,
walk, walk, walk, walk,
WALK!
Walk to your daddy,
come on down, stroll it around of me,
I'm down on my knees, don't you understand?
Your mom will never know,
I told you so . . .
(I love you, Magdalena!)
You know what . . .
I said . . .

Magdalena
(Kaylan/Zappa)

Here are the ingredients for the Nestle's chocolates that you turkeys eat
every day, ahaa!

There was a man a little old man
Who lived in Montreal
With a wife and a kid
And a car and a house
And a teen-age daughter
With a see-thru blouse
Who loved to grunt and ball -
And her name was Magdalena

Magdalena . . .

The little ole man
Came home one night
To his house in Montreal
He caught his daughter
In the blouse by the night
And he said to himself:
"She looks alright!"
he reached for a tit
And grabbed it tight
And threw her up against the wall, oh no
(BLUE CROSS!)

Magdalena,

My daughter dear, do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
My daughter dear, do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
I work so hard, don't you understand
Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land
Do you have any idea
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?

Magdalena . . .

The little ol' man with the grubby little hand
Who lived in Montreal
Was drooling a bit
As he reached for a tit
And he said to himself:
"This is gonna be it!"
But the girl turned around and said: "Go eat shit"
And ran on down the hall
Right on, Magdalena!

[repeat 3rd verse]

Magdalena don't you tease me like this
In the hallway with your blouse and your tits
If your mommy ever finds us like this
She'll call a lawyer
Oh how mom will be pissed

DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH [4x]
Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, my little tiny poontang fondue.....
I love to take you out with me Magdalena. Owww, walking down the streets of Montreux together we'll go, by the coo-coo clocks and the cheese shops.
And Magdalena can you see us ice skating together, oh baby. Can you see us skying together on the slopes of our choice. Not you, no, Magdalena my little daughter. My own little daughter. My little infant. I remember when they brought you home from the hospital Magdalena and your mother showed me to you and I said: That's, well it's all purple and stuff. And she said honey don't worry, soon that little girl is gonna have a set of bosooms on her you won't believe. And Magdalena the eternal prophecy has come through. I looked at you in the hallway yesterday, your wearing your little Afghanistan see-thru embroidered blouse and your little nipples were protruding . . . and I said to me self: "My God, my God, I gave my sperm to that thing' . . . I'm hard as a rock And Magdalena I had to reach out in the darkness. I had to reach out in the darkness like Friend and Lover say . . . And I grabbed your litttle bossooms . . . And your mother walked in the door and she said: "Harry, nice weather, we're neutral here."
But I reached out and I grabbed her . . .
[rest of text inaudible]

thanks sweety, but my daddy doesnt wanna fuck me :P thank god

Goodness me, what the hell is this all about!

I guess I'm out of the running. I can't compete with this.