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Did you gather from that page that she might like champagne? F'ing champagne wouldn't be strong enough for me. Imagine eating a few mushroom caps and drinking a beer in your hotel room, waiting on your "date" you randomly booked based on a yellow page ad. You are really buzzing good when there's a knock at the door. You open it and shrooming out of your mind you are face to face with this





Awesome set up.

A guy I work with is a huge fan of the "None of the Above" section of the personals. Every Thursday afternoon when the Reader comes out, he's got his feet on his desk, bellowing out desperate fags' diaper, jock strap and the ever popular "straight male being punked like a Thai ladyboy" fantasies. It'll make for a hell of a sexual harassment lawsuit someday.

Anyway, one day he tells me I've got to read one.

"'Legless in Chicago'?" I ask. That was just sad. How hard can it be to find an amputee? Just go down to the VA, unless this delightful soldier-loving gubmint has already shut the last one down.

"Huh? No, the one right below it."

I can't remember the exact wording, which totally blows my punchline, but it was a transvestite looking for someone to drop acid and have "erotic elephant sex" with.

I don't know, maybe I was a lightweight, but if something like... like this stormed into my room when I was dosed, I'd set it on fire, mummify it in toilet paper and then sew it up inside the mattress.
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