This city hasn't had a good riot in a decade and I suspect there may be one no matter who wins or loses in the Illini-UNC game. This is obviously an opportune time for Sammura and her extended family to break out of Cabrini Green and free themselves from cracka oppression while taking out the Arab along the way. My time here is short so I better get these thoughts out while there's still time.

Therefore I would like to make it known that Monkey and James can thumbwrestle over my worldly possessions, the rest of you don't get shit because they're the only two who will even try to find some of my remains for identification and will form a posse led by dogs trained to hunt by the smell of gold-chains and bunsen burners and punctured soda cans to bring me vengeance, the rest of you are all about ME ME ME and what I can do for you, you fucking ingrates. Since I won't be alive tomorrow and my corpse will bear the track marks of a thousand Air Jordans, I think it's time to tell you how I really feel, I have nothing to lose.

And if I'm in a permanent vegetative state I want you guys to keep your fucking hands off my feeding tube, those nasal nutrients are quite tasty when the alternative is godless death.