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#89631 - 03/11/05 05:57 PM
Message from Monkey
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Human Garbage
Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 1683
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I just checked in to see if I had any PMs from Monkey. None. If anyone else has any, I'd appreciate them forwarding them to me in private. Here's the story, or what there is of it. We set up a secure channel of communication "just in case." I had presumed "just in case" would mean a hostile takeover of the board by well-heeled fratboys who worship Fayner, but I guess I was optimistic. I sure wasn't expecting this. I checked the account once every four or five days, sometimes more, sometimes less. Thursday, it looks like it was, this came in: Quote:
its over. i cant take the pain anymore. klute was a great movie though
love, monkey
I panicked so a few hours later I called a number he had given me a long time ago when Fayner was threatening to sue him. Some really loud woman answered.
It turns out that it was his mother. Monkey is all of 17 years old.
It was hard to communicate to her who I was calling for (figuring he didn't go by "smelly monkey" around the dinner table). When I finally did, she said he had taken off the night before. She said he did this a lot--"Ricky keeps weird hours"--but that if he didn't show up by tomorrow she'd call the police. She said she'd done that before and mentioned at another point that he got out of "juvee" about a year ago for running away.
I urged her to keep in touch with me, whatever happens. And that's the latest. You know as much as I know now, but I'm still worried.
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#89632 - 03/11/05 06:04 PM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/19/04
Posts: 7888
Loc: Carpathian Mountains
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He doesn't even keep in contact with his own son - me Bastard Monkey 
_________________________
"Some say I'm lazy and others say that is just me.
Some say I'm crazy, I guess I'll always be"
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#89633 - 03/11/05 06:38 PM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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don't worry. monkey can take care of monkey.
_________________________
"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#89634 - 03/11/05 11:52 PM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Somehow I knew his name was Ricky, short for Richard. And his friends could call him Rick.
It's better than great to see you Arab.
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#89635 - 03/12/05 02:22 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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ok, the silence is as deafening as wankus and swami talking over each other in fm-voice on what's the really important news. arab, did monkey's mom sound like she was hot? did you hit on her, and how forward were you? throughout micronesia, there's the legend that one day an arab and an ape will align as father and son and that the 9-armed demon will release them from centuries of savagery and goodwill t-shirts featuring spike lee and michael jordan.
it's awesome having you back, and i can finally stop paying that old catholic chick to hobble around mourning and muttering things in italian since it's too cold to do it myself. one of the four, maybe five wise things i can share is it's always a good idea to silently steal away at night if you're leaving something-it makes it easier to come back. vanishing and becoming unreachable is much safer than letting them know you want to break up and risking an unpleasant and emotional wounded-animal situation and you've got at least a week to claim family emergency. i made it 2.5 weeks the summer after highschool before it was apparent i missed sex more than i minded defects, but i think it'd be hilarious to try with a girl with major abandonment issues. i need to sleep before the psychosis from searching for mattcasey's posts gets worse.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#89637 - 03/12/05 03:31 PM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
arab = monkey or if arab appeared is monkey not far behind? evidence of a fix is growing more apparent. if not it makes for some interesting Cage conjecture. btw, Bornyo, think you could fed ex me some of those shrooms?
Arab and Monkey are not the same person by a (rob) longshot.
Smut you'll have to come to the compound to sample these shrooms we brewed them up in a good Southern iced tea with lots of Dixie Crystals sugar and we've been drinking it like forty going north. Just enough to maintain, mind you.
Nascar starts back tomorrow in earnest and I'm jacked. You can't buy beer in this state on sunday so I'm waiting for the tea to subside so I can drive 6 miles to the nearest mini-mart and stock up.
HGTV has antique roadshow on and some dude has his mother's porno collection on there. yeah, you read right. I hate fuzzy bushes so the antique stuff isn't for me.
I heard that the survivor contestants have commented on how funky the women started smelling after a couple weeks I can't imagine how bad women smelled in the late 1800's when they only bathed once every couple months and wiped their asses with leaves.
None of this has to do with anything except it all ties together thru the wonders of fungi.
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#89639 - 03/14/05 01:15 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/03/03
Posts: 5849
Loc: TX, USA
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Tell his mom that Ricky's girlfriend misses him, and give her a picture of Sammura.
_________________________
"If they can't picture me with a knife, forcing them to strip in an alley, I don't want any part of it. It's humiliating." - windsock
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#89641 - 03/18/05 09:05 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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I have the same vibe bout that, jrv. writing styles can be faked, but just how mindlessly supportive arab was of monkey that killttboy pointed out made me think twice yet he may be monkey, too. better call scully & mulder
_________________________
"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#89642 - 03/18/05 09:07 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/19/04
Posts: 7888
Loc: Carpathian Mountains
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"I learned from friends in Roswell." jrv See I knew it was true- did you see the aliens?
_________________________
"Some say I'm lazy and others say that is just me.
Some say I'm crazy, I guess I'll always be"
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#89643 - 03/18/05 10:01 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Human Garbage
Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 1683
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Ah, and this is the point where I rush in screaming "no no no!" and get lured back into the Cage. You're transparent, jrv. Yet strangely effective... The truth of it is this: I'm more busy than ever (aside from going on periodic sojourns to commune with the sand dunes and thank Allah for giving my illiterate and incompetant people a stranglehold over your economy and your grotesque way of life). The Arab has a long, bitter memory and is a small and petty man, and I remember all slights many years later. I've been put on track to make partner but I'm preoccupied with figuring out how to fuck them so hard their dentures pop out before that happens. Wanna know the secret of the Monkey, the thing that makes him impossible to duplicate? I don't think Monkey really gave a flying fuck about porn. He didn't come here to get the latest news about new jerk material and didn't get his rocks off on seeing a girl choked out until her tongue flopped out of her mouth like pesticide dropped down a worm hole. In truth, either did I. This place could have been about tupperware for all I care. Porn was the fodder, the substance, the convenient feed for what went on here--not the necessary ingredient. All of our scorn for "fanboys" wasn't limited to people who relentlessly cozy up in hopes of getting an autographed glossy and a porn star's voice on their answering machine. It was to anyone whose life seems to be incomplete and somewhat lacking if they can't satiate their visual hunger for (pornstar) getting her (oriface) plugged by (# of penises). Having drawn out conversations even in a non-worshipful way about the career track of some 19 year old kid in J.Lo brand daisy dukes is just the height of insanity. If that's what's left, I'd prefer to spend a couple of hours observing the accomplishments of athletic and very tall black men jogging back and forth with a round orange ball and the customary period of questioning my level of faggotry for enjoying it. So, yeah, that's that. There's no collusion going on, this isn't a stunt, and I haven't heard from Monkey at all--zero--since he left here. I've dropped in a couple of times to see what's going on, sort of like Cliff Clavin having a beer at the Chilis that replaced Cheers. It has been written in flame and steel throughout the ages that you cannot go home again, that the impossible moments of beatitude shall not be replicated, that ecstasy is fleeting and cannot be recaptured by force of will but at the whim of the Almighty and Supreme Being that animates life with his drizzling spirit. And with that, I'll dust off the plate of synthetic nacho cheese, tip jrv and compliment him on his suspenders and his copious 22 pieces of flare, and go looking for Norm again.
_________________________
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#89644 - 03/18/05 10:13 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 09/03/03
Posts: 746
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Quote:
Ah, and this is the point where I rush in screaming "no no no!" and get lured back into the Cage. You're transparent, jrv. Yet strangely effective...
The truth of it is this: I'm more busy than ever (aside from going on periodic sojourns to commune with the sand dunes and thank Allah for giving my illiterate and incompetant people a stranglehold over your economy and your grotesque way of life). The Arab has a long, bitter memory and is a small and petty man, and I remember all slights many years later. I've been put on track to make partner but I'm preoccupied with figuring out how to fuck them so hard their dentures pop out before that happens.
Wanna know the secret of the Monkey, the thing that makes him impossible to duplicate? I don't think Monkey really gave a flying fuck about porn. He didn't come here to get the latest news about new jerk material and didn't get his rocks off on seeing a girl choked out until her tongue flopped out of her mouth like pesticide dropped down a worm hole. In truth, either did I. This place could have been about tupperware for all I care. Porn was the fodder, the substance, the convenient feed for what went on here--not the necessary ingredient.
All of our scorn for "fanboys" wasn't limited to people who relentlessly cozy up in hopes of getting an autographed glossy and a porn star's voice on their answering machine. It was to anyone whose life seems to be incomplete and somewhat lacking if they can't satiate their visual hunger for (pornstar) getting her (oriface) plugged by (# of penises). Having drawn out conversations even in a non-worshipful way about the career track of some 19 year old kid in J.Lo brand daisy dukes is just the height of insanity. If that's what's left, I'd prefer to spend a couple of hours observing the accomplishments of athletic and very tall black men jogging back and forth with a round orange ball and the customary period of questioning my level of faggotry for enjoying it.
So, yeah, that's that. There's no collusion going on, this isn't a stunt, and I haven't heard from Monkey at all--zero--since he left here. I've dropped in a couple of times to see what's going on, sort of like Cliff Clavin having a beer at the Chilis that replaced Cheers. It has been written in flame and steel throughout the ages that you cannot go home again, that the impossible moments of beatitude shall not be replicated, that ecstasy is fleeting and cannot be recaptured by force of will but at the whim of the Almighty and Supreme Being that animates life with his drizzling spirit.
And with that, I'll dust off the plate of synthetic nacho cheese, tip jrv and compliment him on his suspenders and his copious 22 pieces of flare, and go looking for Norm again.
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#89645 - 03/18/05 10:16 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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Arab, I've got no beef w/ you, but what you're saying doesn't make sense. I don't know much about monkey, but I think he does like porn itself, maybe not the people. "All of our scorn" why should you have scorn for porn fanboys if you don't give a fuck about porn? If you don't like porn why the fuck didn't you just got to an NBA chat board and attack the fanboys there who mindlessly dwell on Shaq's jock and Mello's skills?? What's more moronic than sports? Not porn. now forget monkey, don't cry in your nachos and keep watching those bro's play w/ their balls and forget xxxpt ever existed. thank you.
_________________________
"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#89646 - 03/18/05 10:40 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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tupperware kinda sucks, i've probably mentioned actual pornography or what i think about it less than ten times between here and adt. the problem is the impossibility of a forum intentionally based around outrageous parody at the expense of others. too many cooks, too many trolls-same difference when you don't have at least a few people like jrv to play the straight guy. so you're left with subject-based discussions appealing based on the quality of others subtley trolling and the potential of the subject to reguarly produce material. porn is a huge vein of comic gold-the fact that the wankuses, jeremey steeles, evans and teras and jim hollidays are as common as pre-manifestd bison is hard to turn away. it pulls from all classes and i've got an interview so i'll finish my deep thoughts by jack handey later.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#89647 - 03/18/05 11:21 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Demon Spawn
Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 3178
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Wow smut kyoto was right you do kiss all the porn whores bungholes any chance you get. Monkey definitely liked porn, just not the enlarged egos that exists in it. I think the whole fact that people think they are better then everyone else just because they performed a biological function on camera or report on it is what bothers him.
Never leave Arab, persevere man, persevere.
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#89648 - 03/18/05 11:47 AM
Re: Message from Monkey
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/03/03
Posts: 5849
Loc: TX, USA
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Did I accidentally post something serious?
_________________________
"If they can't picture me with a knife, forcing them to strip in an alley, I don't want any part of it. It's humiliating." - windsock
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#89649 - 03/18/05 02:35 PM
Message from Mutant
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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Quote:
Wow smut kyoto was right you do kiss all the porn whores bungholes any chance you get. Monkey definitely liked porn, just not the enlarged egos that exists in it. I think the whole fact that people think they are better then everyone else just because they performed a biological function on camera or report on it is what bothers him.
Never leave Arab, persevere man, persevere.
I hate the enlarged egos in porn and just like enlarged colons porn has a dumptruckload of both. don't be stupid we all watch porn for the pussy and I ain't afraid to lick up to some pussy. who gives a fuck? I don't kiss all whore's bungholes you idiot, haven't you been paying attention? I call a pig a pig as well cuz I ain't your average fan boy, more like a subpar one b/c down deep I really could give a finger flipped fuck about a movie star, sports star, rap star whatever the star. the ones I like I'll prolly never meet, but w/ porn stars don't piss off ones you might wanna fuck b/c there's always the chance of fuckin one even if you're on the bottom rung like I am. On the food chain: light years above a fan, a maze of sleaze and pact w/ the horned god to go to get to be a true pornographer, but never a shoddy one. I vow. Don't fuck w/ me. Get in on the ground floor of a movement in the making. Answer the Call. Delusion, dissolution and time served allows me slowly to ascend onwards though porno like towards the light after death. I know I'm doomed, most pornographers should already know that they are too. Real pornographers love women or hate to love them or truly hate them if you're the Max Hardcore type of sicko. Others prolly simply see them as dumb pawns or a necessary evil for money that makes jizz a biz pure and simple, but all piss and vinegar doesn't make the flowers grow.
I ain't afraid to admit I like cool porno bitches who get me hot, but I also have to attack all the jerks, cocky skanks, and zombified fans this industry attracts like the fungus among us here on xxxpt or over at the diseased adt board. I also hate misguided rabble rousers out to react against an industry that really doesn't give a fuck what they think anyway because people are going to buy it no matter what, nothing can stop it... it's inexorable. If you want to change the world go into politics. Another dead end. This is porn for fuck’s sake get a grip. It’s supposed to fun. I take it too seriously obviously, but at least I know where futility becomes mere stupidity. It’s as pointless as punk rock. Nothing will change the nature of the beast, just try to enjoy as much of the ride as you can whilst taking out the proper targets until the apocalypse. Remember that old coin op video game Berzerk? You could shoot as many cylons as possible but there were more and more on the way, until you died but it didn't stop you from playing the game and endlessly feeding it quarters if you liked it. Like in the S. Bronx, you can't kill enough rats to even begin to clean up the sewers.
PORN: Love it or hate it you're still addicted at day's end or near final soulution, just don't be an idiot about it, b/c if it weren't for a worthless dispensible product like porn this board wouldn't exist. ©
_________________________
"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#89650 - 03/18/05 10:49 PM
Smut thinks fucking a whore is a challenge.
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Demon Spawn
Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 3178
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Good luck trying to fuck a whore?
I'll lend you 10 bucks for brazzle.
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#89652 - 03/18/05 11:29 PM
Clever enough not to fuck Brazzle.
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Demon Spawn
Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 3178
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