From lukeford.com
Fayner Posts: I've become immune to the phone calls from TR that begin, "Hey, Dog! Guess what I'm about to do!!" I'm a bitter man to begin with, a "Negative Nancy" as Barrett Blade once called me and there's not very much that gets me giddy.
A stoned 23-year-old porno chick with a phone and a foolhardy idea has no place calling me in search of support for that idea. Of all people, TR should know that. I'm far-past the days of doing dumb things for no reason at all. There is always a reason to my rhyme. TR is a sporadic baked potato, too hot to handle and too unpredictable to just hold down and shove dick in her throat until she cools down. That's a fact.
Yesterday's TR Stupid Idea Du Jour was a tattoo inside her lip, at the time to either read "COCK" with an arrow pointing down her throat or "TAYLOR MUTHAFUCKIN' RAIN."
"That's mighty dumb," I said into the phone.
"You're so fucking negative!" she yelled. "I knew you were gonna be like this!"
"So why did you call me?"
"Can't you just once say something positive?" TR asked.
"Okay, fine. It's a super idea, well thought-out in a sober state of mind. How's that?"
"Fuck you," she answered. "I've wanted to do this for a long time."
"I've known you for a long time," I informed her, "and this is the first I'm hearing about a tattoo on your lip."
I'm then told that TR's new boy-toy has the inside of his lip tattooed. It says something different though from what TR wants written, but without telling you what it is it should be stressed that it's not something eloquent like the first few lines of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner."
Now it makes sense.
"Stoners should not be allowed to think," was all I could muster up. I felt sick.
"It'll give me something to talk about on Stern this week," she said. "And it's on the inside of my lip, so no one will know it's even there!"
I paused, then: "You're right. It's not like anyone listens to Howard Stern on the radio."
"Hey, Scott, you're the one who was gonna get a hotdog tattooed on your arm! That's pretty fucking stupid!"
"I agree," I agreed, "but how much stupider would it have been if I got it because someone else had it too?"
We went back and forth, her saying I'm a downer and me saying she'll regret it when she's done being Taylor Muthafuckin' Rain.
She ended up getting it. I haven't seen it yet. I don't much care to either. But I'm sure I will.
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