Sometimes I wonder if steering some of my clients into the porn industry would help them. It's Tuesday morning, another 5:00 am call, this time domestic disturbance. I swear, put on a shirt and coat and make it over by six, and my client--friend of a friend who has my name written as the only entry in her PalmPilot under "lawyers"--has a black eye and bruises already showing in her arm.

Her boyfriend? About 22 years old, unemployable musician, works in a gay club, looks gay, acts gay, actually puts--I'm really not shitting you on this--actually puts something called "Mint Julep Masque" on his face to give himthelf that healthy, thexthy glow.

I'm going over everything we'll have to do to get a restraining order, plus a nuissance lawsuit she wants to file over damages to her condo, and I'm thinking: this is like being a porn whore without fucking anybody. She's already got the parasites, drug habit, alcoholism, etc. etc.

Is it in my interest to steer this wealthy but broken soul into the porn industry? She's half East Indian and half White, and has a killer body.