"We are all failures -- at least, all the best of us are."
--Sir James M. Barrie, British Playwright

For roughly half a century, men have been programmed to anticipate a tumultuous period of introspection at the half-point of their lives, called a "mid-life crisis." Coined by Canadian-born psychologist Elliot Jaques in the 1950s, the term describes a middle aged man's self-doubt and anxiety over his life's accomplishments, and the relative imminence of his approaching death. When a man is young, he believes that time is a disease to which he is immune. But as the first speckles of gray enter his hair, he can't help but wonder: Of what value is my life?

The questions one asks in a mid-life crisis tend to relate to worldly achievements, ultimately boiling down to the most important question of all: Am I a success...or a failure? And "success," in the minds of most people, is defined as power, recognition, and material acquisition.

Increasingly, human beings, male and female alike, are not waiting until middle age for this kind of painful life assessment. I have personally met many people in their 20s and 30s who believe it is "too late" for them, and their lives have already been wasted. I believe this is because they have been trained by the popular culture to base their self-worth on external appearances. They have been raised by MTV and Hollywood with a sense of expectation and entitlement for fame, fortune, and physical pleasures. The attitude of many young Westerners is: If I am wealthy, attractive, and well known, my life is meaningful. If I am poor, unattractive, and anonymous, my life is meaningless.

The devastating consequences of this mindset have been witnessed in the last century, taking form in countless psychoses and pathologies largely endemic to Western society. As I have pointed out in previous essays, the United States has produced far more serial killers (76%) than any other nation in the world. We are also the world's leader in production of eating disorders, and have one of the highest incidences of suicide. It cannot be a coincidence that most Americans are burdened by a terrible, egotistic need to be better than everyone else.

It would seem that many of us are in great need for a re-assessment of our priorities. Are you afraid that you are wasting your life? Do you feel a burning desire to DO something that will separate you from the "herd," and win you "happiness?" Do you look yourself in the mirror and see a failure staring back at you?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, I ask, "Why?" Are you a failure because your wallet is empty and no one knows your name? I submit that this way of thinking is a form of insanity, and unless or until you recognize this, true happiness will be impossible.

If one wishes to know whether fame, fortune, and ego-aggrandizement are the paths to "happiness," one need only examine the people who have these things in abundance. Professional athletes, Hollywood actors, rock stars...when one gazes at their countenances - plastered on magazine covers and forever ingrained in our psyches - one might believe that they seem quite happy. Big, sparkly grins reveal perfect white teeth, iridescent eyes, and mirthful demeanors. But upon closer inspection, those bright, shining eyes reveal a dazedness that could best be described as STUPOR. If money and fame can make ANYONE happy, why are you so many of these folks plainly miserable?

Rock stars become addicted to drugs and alcohol, and die at the age of 30. Professional athletes behave like spoiled infants and have no appreciation for their lives of privilege. Imagine the terror these people must feel when they look at their lives and wonder, "Is THIS what I aspired to? Is this who I am?"

If you think yourself a failure on the basis of external appearances and worldly achievements, you are not seeing the truth of who you are. God did not put you on this planet to achieve worldly "success" and live out your years in comfort and pleasure. Your life here serves one purpose, and one purpose only: to confront that which keeps you in bondage to suffering.

If you are a human being, you suffer. We all live under the same veil of guilt and trauma and loneliness, resulting from the belief that we are separate and incomplete. Countless people consider themselves "happy" because their external situations seem favorable, but in reality, their suffering is simply muted by the sheer volume of fleeting "pleasures." No one can avoid suffering forever, because everything we value in this world is destined to die - EVERYTHING. If your "happiness" is dependent on anything outside of yourself (i.e. something impermanent) you are condemning yourself to a world of hurt.

The only way out of suffering is through a conscientious meeting with its taproot: one's false perceptions of himself, and the world. Everyone who undertakes this journey will eventually realize that the person he thought he was has never existed. This revelation feels like dying, but it can also feel like freedom. The real lesson in this is that you are and have always been as God created you - perfect, innocent, and incorruptible. The ego experiences this as loss, because it cannot survive unless its owner remains in a perpetual state of SEEKING. But it should be a happy lesson to learn that you are already complete, and in need of nothing external.

None of us is bound or limited by the world's definitions of "success" and "failure." A human life can only be truly wasted through endless denial and avoidance. If you "have nothing" (i.e. no money, no stature, no material items) you are almost certainly closer to real happiness than the ones who "have everything." Ultimately, the most heroic mission anyone can accomplish is the simple remembrance of his own Divine nature.

By Michael Goodspeed