It's the waning days of 2004 and the clock is winding down, so I figure it’s time by the sundial for Smutmutant's 2004 XXXPT Awards and why the fuck not? Usually all the porn mags and review lackeys make their end-of-year choices as if anybody is influenced by their paycheck for picks or what some deluded loser at cum stained computer thinks not including myself, of course. Be honest, everybody likes to read 'em for fun or make their own mental lists for kicks, but don't fool yourself that it means dick to anybody other than yourself. Sure, AVN does their own moolah motivated awards up for bid to the highest paying advertisers or judging by sales and who they should award to retain some kind of raincoat cred and/or elect what’s politically correct for the industry. The AVN Awards mean something to the various egos of producers/stars, the average perv, distributors and a studio's rep, but hell, do they mean anything beyond that? Fuck no! I don’t even expect these will matter, but they should. I’m in it for the love of porn like an idiot and I won’t be swayed by bribery, but blowjobs couldn’t hurt. Lip smacking sluts only need apply! You see, everybody has a price, myself included, and we all have loyalties. Basically only those with any guts have kept me on their screener list because they ain’t afraid of the truth and/or they stand by their product. Like I said before, I can get my grubby fisticuffs on anything and nothing this side of a bullet can stop me from waging ceaseless war on lousy pornography because my words are bond by Beelzebub and I’m blessed by the valkyries of light. Sounds good, don’t it? Get real, right? It may only make sense to me. Here goes:


SMUTMUTANT’s 2004 XXXPORNTALK AWARDS

Hottest porn honey: Haley Paige, who else?
Most extreme whore: Kami Andrews
Best Ass: August
Best Tits: Haley Paige
Best Twat: Heather Gables
Best newcummer: Nadia Sin
Most missed: Shawnie
Best flick: Jim Powers' Filthy Things
Best director: Jim Powers
best female director: Francesca Le'
Best Company: JM Productions
Best new studio: NXT LeVL
Best series: Jim Powers' Filthy Things
Best anal series: Army Of Ass
Best oral series: Deep Throat This
Best POV series: POV Pervert
Most original series: Girlvert
Best scene: Monica Sweetheart & that creepy meatholes pizza guy; Jim Powers' Filthy Things 2
Best anal scene: Haley Paige & Joel Laurence; Cheeks 14
Best oral scene: Cherry Lane & Jeremy Steele; Chickenheads
Best foreign porn: Private
Most consistant: Jules Jordan
Coolest dude: Skeeter Kerkove
Stupidest: Tony T.
Gayest: Brandon Iron
Dumbest name: Dale Dabone
Most Overrated: Janine
Goofiest: Shy Love
Just go away: Bella Marie Wolfe
Most repulsive: Nacho Vidal
Worst trend: rimjobs
Worst director: Gayzarman
Worst movie/series: too many to list
Worst Company: Vivid

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