The committee has reached their verdict, and since the committee is me, it was an easy job. I'd like to thank those who tried to bribe the judges and no, John, I'm still not interested even though I just have to "lay back and relax."

Without further ado...


Best Poster:
Without a doubt, Smelly Monkey.

Worst Poster:
All one of the English Male Lesbian Posse. M8.

Creepiest Poster:
The scuzzy guy typing with one hand under the handle "Slut Wife."

Poster I'll Eternally Love:
Kami. If we grew old and you had to wear diapers, I would hire someone to change those diapers for you. With love.

Best New Chica:
Melissa Lauren. Not just because she posts here but because she dishes it out as well as any of us retards.

Best New Dude:
tanta's Daddy.

Best Thread Starter Aside from Monkey:
Chicken Master. I feel limp and inadequate by comparison.

Best Thread:
Mark Wallace, RIP.

Worst Thread:
Mainstream DVD Releases for Tuesday. I can honestly say I've never once clicked on that monstrosity because I can't imagine there's anything there that would be remotely interesting. Maybe I'll go check it out. Or, maybe I'll shove my hand in a blender. Either/or.

Most Inexplicable Thread:
After a late charge, this B.L.A.C.O. thing wins it. You got me.

Porn Industry Spokesmodel:
Undoubtedly, Nicole Brazzle. She's just a piston of self-promotion that never goes anywhere, lubricated by the Astro-Glide of... umm... lying, or something. That metaphor kinda got away from me there. Move on.

Best Forum:
The Monkey Cage. This is the place, this is the site.

Least Sympathetic Victim of the Year:
Nicole is disqualified, since she's not a victim at all. The first runner-up is hereby crowned: take a bow, "pay me out of pity," Lara Roxxx.

The WEHT? Award:
Cindy Crawford. One post and then she never came here again. Monkey was even nice to her.

XXXPT Poster Most Likely to Be Picked Up for a Felony in 2005:
Rob Longshot.

XXXPT Poster Most Likely to Have Severed Heads in his Freezer, and Keep on Killing Well Into the New Year:
Kyoto