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by ten or eleven, i could sense there was something wrong with 18-year old babysitters. like a deformed zebra, their herd had left them behind to have fun-i used to actually look forward to those opportunities. my sister and i would usually get the cops to come every fourth-fifth time or at least destroy some couch that cost as much as a decent car. the best was getting pulled over by state troopers because i whipped up a "CALL 911, KIDNAPPED!" sign to flash at every passing vehicle.

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