Attention all chronic masturbators,

Padova has told me that she has been getting tons of calls and e-mails from people saying what an asshole and a pig I am for making her get that abortion a while back. I figured I'd come on here and defend myself against this kind of criticism.

One day Gen came home to our love nest in the 'bu and told me she was knocked up and wasn't even sure if it was mine. It was either mine or Steven French's from her scene in Butterface Part Deux.

Now, I'll be damned if I'm gonna be on the hook to take care of some possibly half-french trick baby til the little fucker turned 18.

I think that if any of you guys were in the same position of as me you'd be driving the bitch to the nearest planned parenthood and forkin over the dough for the best abortion you could afford. After hers was done and the kid was in a chum bucket they even gave her a lollipop and balloons. That's all me, I paid extra for it.

Usually they don't let the guy watch as the chick gets the procedure done, but I insisted since I wanted to make sure there was no shennanigans and the job really got done. I think the doc freaked a little when I started laughing maniacally as the vacuumed the little bastard out of there.

But in the end it was worth it, our relationship is stronger than ever and I don't have to pay for Steven French's kid to go to fuckin' preschool.

Cram Johnson