I would like to challenge Ms. Gen Padova to a cup of coffee.

She seems to think I have some problem with her enjoying having sex on camera. She made me laugh so hard that Aquafina shot out my nose.

What a dork.

I don't drink coffee, but a coffee house might be a nice place to meet. Or, if you're one of those really, really paranoid 'porn stars', we can meet on the street next to a police station. The police would side with ME.

You can bring your boyfriend, you can bring your father, you can bring the U.S. Marines, if you'd like.

You anger me.

Of course, you anger me in a really good way. I'd love to debate you, one on one.

I'm not going to try to have sex with you, that's not what I'm interested in.

In fact, I haven't seen even one of your movies, or pictures. I don't have a clue what you look like. You'll have to send me a picture, preferably CLOTHED, so I can identify you.

And...in case you're wondering, about that girl I care about, I DO NOT own any of her movies, either. However, I have seen all her boxcovers. Each time, my heart breaks again, and again, and again...

But that isn't the issue.

What is the issue is that I would like to beat your silly ass in a one on one debate...and that's all.

Like I said, you can bring all the guys you want, you will be safe. I am a man of my word, and I do not break my promises.

Do I like porn? Hell yeah, I like porn.

But do I want YOU, and the girl I care so much about to be SAFE while making it?

That, I care about more than my own desires.

You pick the place, the time, and bring whomever you want. If I bring someone, I will only be bringing my wife. She feels the same way I feel about this issue...but she's not nearly as vocal as me.

Gen, you are sooooooooo wrong about this, someone needs to drill it into your head before you run around promoting it to the class of 2004.

I ain't no fucking preacher, either.

I'm a damn good looking man in his 30's who could easily be in porn, AND WOULD LOVE TO DO PORN- if it wasn't so fucking dangerous.

And by the way...

You may have had a near death experience, but I actually fucking died, and got brought back to life.

I'll tell you all about that over a cup of coffee too, if you'd like.

So here's the deal...

You pick the place, bring all the thugs you like, have them strapping their shit if you feel you need it...

...and you and I sit down and have this thing out.

Later, you can tell your side of it right here in this nice little Mr. Malice forum, and I will tell my side.

What really gets me pissed about you saying the shit you say is that your words get listened to.

I'm going to kick your ass in this debate, and show you a new direction. Maybe after I get done KICKING YOUR ASS, you'll get some sense in that head and start attempting to protect people.

Let's see what you got, Ms.-I-can-actually-read-a-book-and-I-do-porn-Smartypants.

Back that shit up.

Bring your man. You'll be safe.

I swear it on the lives of my wife, my mother, and my father.

Let the wagering begin, gentlemen...

You should feel HONORED that I think enough of your opinion to actually debate you, by the way.

Since you seem to have a brain, of sorts, you have me intrigued.

Doesn't mean I won't kick your ass though.

Once again, let me clarify something.

I have absolutely nothing against porn.

The problem I have with porn-

...is how it is being made.

Given the time, I think I'll bring you around to my way of thinking. That is, if you don't pussy out.

Another thing I think I should add...

...I am not violent, don't believe in violence as a way of solving problems, and am not intending this debate as some way of 'meeting a porn star' so I can hook up.

I drive a lovely BMW, have plenty of money, and live in a prosperous area. If I wanted to fuck a 'porn star', whatever that is, I could simply call Chasey Lain on her cell phone, from the ad in the back of this weeks LA WEEKLY.

Also-

My wife is way better looking than all the porn stars I have ever seen, including the girl we liked so much, and if she comes, which she will, you will see I'm not lying.

Thus, I don't really care if you're hot, or not. I just feel the need to teach your wayward brain a lesson, and possibly give it a real firm spanking on the rear end.

This debate will be about bringing you over to a responsible way of thinking, and acting, Ms. Padova.

This ass-kicking will be a purely intellectual exercise.

That, coupled with the fact that my brain could kick your brain's ass with one cerebral cortex tied behind my back...

...That sounds like FUN.

Bring it on, playa, bring it on.

And yes, I'm sure the entire industry would come to this little forum to view the results.

Maybe Mr. Malice could even get something out of our fierce little exercise by increasing his advertising rates for a while.

Hate me all you want, you morons.

You know I'm fucking right.

'The Outsider'