BUT she is quotable, here are some of my favorites in no particular order from her recent chat with the real luke ford.

"I have to get my nails done, tanning, and get my AIDS test. How about lunch tomorrow?"

"I started drinking wine last night around 5. I drank wine until midnight [about two bottles total]. Then I drank a whole bunch of vodka. Then I came to my place and I drank tequila. That's really bad. I need to quit drinking. I get really crazy when I drink. But at least I'm not doing drugs.

"I want you to come see me dance. I'm such a good dancer. You can hang out in my dressing room and have sex with me. You don't have to be afraid of the porn fans.


"I've been so overwhelmed by emails in the last six months, that I have over 3000 in my in-box. I am only able to do ten a day. I get overwhelmed and I erase them. What we could do one day is that we could have an email party and you could help me write my emails."

"I need to leave for Rialto soon. I'm going to pee on the phone with you. But I can't find my toilet paper. My place is such a mess. You should see how messy my place is. I throw my clothes everywhere. My maid comes once a month.

"I had to fart."


"Why don't you and I have sex and get married? Are you a legal citizen?"

"I didn't know British people were Jewish."

I'm Australian.

"I didn't know Australian people were Jewish.


"Why is that? I definitely need to convert to Judaism. Maybe I'll have more money then."