She writes 11/20/04 on ADT about her ex-boyfriend who killed himself a couple of weeks ago:

thanks you guys it really does mean a lot! in the past two weeks i have gone through a journey that is hard to put to words.****NOT AS HARD AS WHAT HER BOYFRIEND DID****
.. all i know is that i have seen the darkest and i am ready to see the light. i have had my nervous breakdown****THAT WAS A QUICK RECOVERY****
and reached the lowest i will ever allow myself to be.****EXCEPT WHEN I DO MY HUNDRED MAN GANG BANG VIDEO****
there is a reason why he took his life.****NO SHIT..FUCKING STRANGERS HAS A WAY OF FUCKING PEOPLE UP***
.. he wanted me to do my best to suceed in porn even though he could not live here on earth to see it.***HE WAS THE WIND BENEATH HER WINGS****
i can't let myself go to waste.****WHAT IS SHE ,ICE CREAM. i hate that he could not be okay with it****ATM'S GANG BANGS DOUBLE ANAL.
. but i except why he wasn't... he wanted me to be only his.****CANT HAVE THAT NOW CAN WE****
i now know what i need to do...he did not die for nothing.****I WILL NOW CARRY ON THE SEARCH FOR EL DIABLO****
i will do my best in every scene i shoot in hopes that i can fulfill my dreams... just like he wanted me to do.****OTHERS DREAM OF PEACE,WHILE SHE DREAMS OF 12'INCH COOK SLAMMIN HER ASS..DREAM ON SISTA,DREAM ON.****
i shot my first b/g scene back with digital playground today and it was amazing.****HER BOYFRIEND SHOT SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME AS WELL RECENTLY***
i felt like i was on a whole new level of performing, a new energy i had waiting inside...ready to erupt and boy did it!****NO MORE EXCEES BAGGAGE WILL DO THAT**** i feel revitalized and ready to make him proud.****IM SURE HIS PROUD OF YOU THATS WHY HE DID HIMSELF IN..GET A FUCKING CLUE EVA....