This man, Pat, really wants to have anal sex with
his girlfriend, but he doesn't know quite how to
get around to it smoothly. So he goes to his
friend, Joe, who is really experienced with the
ladies.

Pat says to Joe, "Hey! i really wanna have anal
with my girl. how can i do that without her
thinking im moving too fast?"

So Joe says, "OK. This is what you do. You get
home and the first thing you says is 'Hey bitch
lets fuck' which always works, then you start
fucking. Then after like 10 minutes switch
positions to Doggy style. Then after about 10
minutes of that take it out and stick it in her
ass. That should work"

So the next day Pat gets home from work and his
girlfriend is cooking dinner and he says to her
"Hey bitch lets fuck" so they start fucking. After
10 intense minutes of fucking they switch to doggy
style. They're getting really into it and shes
liking it a lot. Then after 10 minutes of doggy
style he takes out his cock, and sticks it in her
ass.

She turns to him and says "That was very
presumptuous of you."

Then Pat says, "Oh, what a big word for a 6 year
old."

A man and his wife are driving on the highway and
get into a horrible car accident. The car is
ripped to shreds, and an ambulance comes and takes
the wife and husband to the hospital. The husband
only undergoes a few broken bones, but the wife is
in critical condition. After hours and hours of
waiting the doctor finally comes out of the
emergency room to talk to the husband.

He says, "I have some terrible news for you. Your
wife is paralyzed from the neck down. You are
going to have to do everything for her like
bathing and feeding her. You will probably have to
find a new job working at home so you can take
care of her. I'm sorry."

At this point the husband is practically in tears
and says to the doctor, "Oh my God! This is the
absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me"

Then the doctor says, "Hey! I'm just fucking with
you! She's dead!"

Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth
control?
A: A trip without the kids!

Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.

Q: Why is AIDS a miracle?
A: Because it turns fruits into vegetables.

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman
up.

Q: How is a woman like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's
nipples for?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured
out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when
they go they take your house and car with them...

Q:How many feminists does it take to change a
lightbulb?
A: None, feminists can't change anything.

Q: Why did God invent the yeast infection?
A: So women know what it's like to live with an
irritating cunt.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican with a
Chinese?
A: Someone who can steal a car but can't drive it.

Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Air is free.

Q: What is the difference between a pair of jeans
and an Ethiopian?
A: A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and
wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have
sex?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and
Deer Nuts?
A: Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always
under a buck.

Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post
Office is flying at half-mast?
A: They're hiring.

Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China?
A: No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

Q: What's the job application to Hooters?
A: They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill
this out.

There was this construction worker on the 3rd
floor of this unfinished building.

He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down
and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow
worker on the ground to get it for him, but this
guy could not hear a word he said. So he started
to give a sign so the guy on the ground could
understand him.

First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then
pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved
his hand back and forth describing the movement of
a hand saw.

Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his
head like he understood and dropped his pants and
started to jerk off.

The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran
down to the ground and started yelling at this
guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed
a hand saw."

The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to
tell you that I was coming."

Keep 'em coming! Those are fucking hilarious!

here here...awesome Smartt

Those were actually funny.
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