An old man and his grandson were sitting out on the porch together, on a nice sunny day. Soon enough, the grandfather pops out a cigarette and lights it.
The boys looks at his grandfather and says " Can I have one of those?"
The grandfather replies "Can your dick reach your asshole?"
The boy says "no."
Grandfather then tells him "Then you can't have one."
A little while later, the grandfather pops open a can of beer and takes a sip.
The boy looks up at him and says "Can I have one grandpa?"
The grandfather replies "Can your dick reach your asshole?"
The boy says "No"
"Then you can't have one."
Some time later the boy goes into the house and returns shortly with a glass of milk and a big plate of cookies.
The grandfather looks at him and says "Can I have some?"
The boy says "Can your dick reach your asshole"
The grandfather says proudly "Yep!!"
To which the boy replies "Then go fuck yourself! Grandma says these are mine!"

God created Adam and handed him down into the Garden of Eden. Anyway, God had created him and installed 3 testicles on him
A few weeks down the road, god decided to check in on him.
"So, Adam, my best creation... how are you enjoying life?"
Adam responds, "Oh, its great lord, but this three testicle thing is a major bum... I keep knocking them on my legs when I walk around."
God thinks about this. "Yeah... that is a problem eh... Ok... I will fix that."
God reaches down and rips away the middle nut and tosses it into the bushes.
A few weeks later, God decided to check back on him again.
"So my boy... how is life with two testicles?"
Adam responds, "Oh, its great! I walk better, everything is comfortable... just one problem..."
God listens to his creation intently.
"I have no mate." Adam says. "The ox have mates... the Bull has the cow... The deer has the doe... I have no one." He begins weeping.
God thinks about it... feeling pity for his greatest creation.
God then says, "You're right... I will make you a mate... you need one... and I will make her from a part of your body... Now... where did I toss that Useless Nut?"