From houstonpress.com

Ready for the Oral Tests?

The Leisure Learning Unlimited catalog lists courses on making pottery, tasting wine and cooking exotic dishes. And there's the usual Mars and Venus self-help classes teaching how-to-find-a-mate-you-like-who-actually-likes-you-back.

This fall, a new kind of self-help class appeared on the schedule. Former hard-core porn movie director and writer Vaughn Dampier was scheduled to teach "Sex Toys: Exploring the Adult Playground."

Yes!

For people who feel a little afraid and a lot confused when they walk into a XXX store, Dampier planned to talk about the history of sex toys, what's legal, how to clean them (and that it is a good idea to clean them) and -- most important -- how to use them.

He was even going to give demonstrations.

For people who can't afford the Spice channel or a Susie Bright seminar, the $25 class (batteries not included) sounded like a fine way to spend a Friday night.

But then Dampier canceled. The man who provided the tuition refunds says the teacher got a stand-up comedy gig in California. That left 14 frustrated people, who had perhaps hoped to spend the long Labor Day weekend in bed doing homework. -- Wendy Grossman