The public has spoken! Two customers with money have purchased my soiled underwear and two broke idiots who are dateless on Saturday night have wasted their time. Again.

I am Canadian, which means I'm peaceful, tolerant and polite. My intimate apparel clothing line's sales are up 200% in the last 48 hours.

Pirate-proof and affordable? Yes! Realising my teenage dream of earning a living by jerking off? Priceless!